Well, its a relaxing Sunday here at my house. I did not do much today as I am just now feeling somewhat better after being DOWN. I did have fun at my nephews birthday party last evening, though. :) Sunday here has not been fun for me today but has been relaxing. I do not go to church anymore. I havent in about a year now. I used to go every Sunday morning for 20 years straight ( I wouldnt miss it ). I figure now I worship the Creator in my own way and most churches are full of hate and self righteous folks anyway. I wish I lived where I could visit a Jewish synagogue ( maybe when I move to the city full time ). I continue to believe in God, although sometimes I do not want to. I guess I could be angry at God for having mental illness bad at times, but I do not see it as Gods fault. It just happens. Bad and good happen to everyone. Can we blame God for all the bad in the world? Nope, especially if there is no God, but I think there is. I choose to think so! It always made me laugh to myself when atheist friends would blame things on God and I would just say, Hey, I thought you did not believe in God. You cant have it both ways. Sometimes I wonder if life and reality are just for certain folks and others are just robots and at the end of life the ones that can see reality will be judged how they treated others and how they helped the world be a better place? Isnt that a weird way of thinking? Yes, I know that is OUT THERE, but I am admitting to being mentally ill.... One of my burdens and heartaches... :( Its also VERY LONELY thinking you might not exist and others might not exist. TERRIBLE to think nothing matters. This sickness ( I like to call it sickness ) comes and goes for me. :( This is a way of venting and letting others tell me what they think of what I say on here or privately. It helps! LOVE YOU ALL!
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 21:24:09 +0000
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