What is Your Conflict Mode? Many of us have had workplace training that includes personality or behavior evaluation. Depending on our professions, some of us see our share of tests too often. In the field of Conflict Resolution, a particular test is like a workplace bible. I am talking about The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Resolution Instrument. The TKI. The TKI exam divides our conflict style into 5 categories or personality styles that we exhibit during disagreement. Although we all have a mix of responses, we tend to default to a certain style when the heat is on. Personalities are rated on a scale of aggressiveness and cooperativeness. Aggressive behavior refers to the attempts a person will make to satisfy their own needs. Cooperativeness refers to the attempts a person will make to satisfy the needs of others. The first personality style is considered COMPETING. This style is considered aggressive and uncooperative. This can be the person in the City Hall meeting that continues to stand up and argue a point dragging a meeting into eternity. This is the person who is only satisfied when they are seen as “right”. However that same person can be that grass-roots organizer who believes in a cause so much, they start a foundation in their basement. COLLABORATORS are another group that is considered aggressive on the conflict personality spectrum. Collaborative folks are seen as aggressive and cooperative. Yet, when they are paired on a team with shared goals and resources, that aggressiveness is a real asset. I remember being part of a development team designing a new game. Everybody on the team was creatively submitting ideas and there were no boundaries on the ideas we collected and were allowed to implement. Our imaginations and our budget was limitless. Just after several creative artists were hired to work together, the company got a new CEO. The budget was reduced and the game system was tailored to meet a certain population and interest group. The team started being divided into budget conscious, consumer driven groups. The momentum of the collaboration collapsed.A collaborator works to meet the needs of the entire group by finding a way to satisfy every interest. Yet, when these same folks don’t have a team of members that share the same idea, they may become a competing partner as they push others to move forward their way. The third type of conflict management style is called COMPROMISING. To compromise means to represent the middle space between aggressive and cooperative styles. The purpose of a compromise is to find easy and fast ways to make a situation work. For example, sometimes, in my mediation practice, I see couples who are contemplating divorce but need time to make arrangements. These couples make a temporary order regarding finances or childcare. At that point in negotiating, both parties make concessions in an effort to make some kind of change and gain movement with the dispute. Compromising means that deeper or more detailed negotiations are left waiting for resolution. The fourth conflict style is the style almost everyone scores high within; AVOIDANCE. When using avoidance, a person does not immediately negotiate for their interests. Nor do they aggressively pursue the needs of others. Conflict is left standing. We have all experienced “the silent treatment”. We may have simply decided to let something go unattended. This may be a strategic effort, like stepping out of a conflict to avoid problems, or gather more ammunition for the fight. Other times it can be withdrawing from a perceived or real threat. The fifth and final conflict style on the TKI scale is ACCOMMODATING. This stance is unassertive yet cooperative. However, the person only attends to the needs of others and neglects their own self-interest. This can be someone who unselfishly forgives, obeys office policy or just gives complete credence to an opposing view. We all need a little bit of accommodation at times; however, this person can be that person who gets treated poorly at the office or even that person who accommodates in order to be seen as the martyr. I have taken the TKI multiple times since 2005. Although my actual scores have changed, and I gained skills in multiple styles, my primary styles have remained constant. I think what I have learned to do better is recognize the patterns of conflict in others. If I have chronic conflict, I am able to think ahead and apply a conflict strategy. In intimate conflicts, I am still a work in progress. I encourage you to find the on-line exam and see your own style. If you compare your style to others you engage with, you may discover why some things are solved and other issues remain in conflict. Michelle Jackson
Posted on: Tue, 27 Aug 2013 02:17:12 +0000
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