Whats on my mind? (Repeating the FB Q ) So, actually liking Amy Klobuchar, Dem Senator From Minnesota (The other one being Democrat Al Franken) I went to Amys page, see what she had to say. Oops, the dander rises. the hackles are up, the anger rises quickly. My oldest brother has a comment there for me to see. He, along with one other man, was my enemy during my illness. While hes wealthy from his work and investments, that older brother did nothing to help me. I could not work. As a new friend knows, IV antibiotics wear out a person, and I was on three or two, for four months. Then, I went homeless, after being blessed by a landlord whod let me stay rent free for months. He sold his property, the apartment complex, so, with new owners, I was forced to move. In other words, that oldest brother and another man in the family did nothing to help me, in fact, the reverse, they made my life worse by their apathy, their grudges against me that were, of course, their fault, things which they should be accountable for. For that oldest brother, he opens his mouth around me, and it just gets uglier, uglier. No questions about my health when I saw him in 2011. Now, I see his post on the Klobuchar site, and I have to work through my anger to free myself from that anger and go to forgiveness. I know my father and mother are looking down from heaven at their oldest child, and they are thoroughly disgusted at his lack of humanity, his inability to love, his choice to give his youngest brother no help in my time of greatest need. So, this, this, this, is my NOW challenge, and its tough to let it go, seeing his name, his words again, and his know it all attitude that shows through, even in a few statements that he wrote. Im pleased to know that he still cant write as well as I do, thats a victory. When I lived in Aspen, I literally smoked him on the slopes all day. That felt good,with him being four years older, and always being the victor in our childhood in any sports. So, Smoking him on the slopes was a treat, a thrilling day of revenge. Tonight, Im back into working toward forgiveness. Im sure its going to take some distraction from the TV or here, on Facebook. I do not like the word, hate, and yet, it is hard not to hate someone whos been so callous, so defeating toward me, negating all I have to say to him. And, after the first surgery, when the surgeons thought theyd lost me on the operating table, that oldest brother came for a weekend visit. Yet, like so many sad and disgusting people, he became the predator on me, an easy prey. For there I lay, pillows propped up to ease the discomfort of a fifteen staple scar, where the surgeon had gone in, and lying there, with the oxygen tubes up my nose, he proceeded to rip into me, about something very minor that happened in 1979. 1979! Still holding a grudge, still doing the blame. Still unwilling to admit it was his mistake, his blunder. And, then, after that first surgery, ailing badly, sleeping most of every day in recovery, he ripped into me, telling me how wrong I was, how bad I was to him in 1979. I guess in the re-telling, I am healing Nhere. I am pleased that I am not the petty person the oldest brother is. Not the petty person the other man of the family is. For both of them, with their grudges, made my recovery more difficult, my suffering more prolonged, my pain more difficult. And both just let me go homeless, as I was unable to work. So, forgiveness, by my venting here, comes easily. I am happy to not be such a small minded person, such a person so far away from God, as those two men are, then, and now. One more thing, when I saw that oldest brother in 2011. He bragged how he had deferred bonuses to get an extra 25 or 30 grand a year in income, income he did not need. Yet, he could not part with it to help me, because he held that grudge. Even though apart from distance, with me in either Texas or New Mexico over the past couple decades, its disillusioning to have family turn their back on a person when theyre in critical need of help. When that person, me, has gone through not one but two life or death surgeries. As one intern told me at UMC, Dude, half the people die in that operation. So, in that, I am blessed. I was blessed with great nurses from UMC Home Health, as well in Five West at that hospital. My gratitude to all those who helped me, all strangers who were my best friends when I needed friends the most. For family turned their back on me, the church I was attending turned their back on me, familiar friends didnt care enough to call or visit. Now theres a titanium nail in my right femur, for staph caused its fracture along with absessing flesh in that thigh. Theres a hole in my back where the surgeon went in at UMC, removing two ribs and damaging nerve clusters, so theres a constant pain in the left ribcage. Thank God for Lyrica. Thank God for Dr. Robert Kimbrough, who caught that the staph was back, although the blood test was ordered by the internists nurse practitioner. So it was then, those who cared were paid to care. It was all I had for people who cared enough to help me, those who were paid to do so. Yes, my children failed me, too, but they are making amends these days in very big ways. So, with them, its an almost automatic forgiveness. But it tells the tale that all of us in this aging baby boomer population will be facing with health issues that come with age, problems that come from lifestyle choices. The problem is that there wont be someone there to help, not family, not friends. And so, something else must be done to counter that apathy. That is to develop a support group long before a health crisis, a group thats committed to helping each other, morning, afternoon, night, for, in that illness, so often, it was just me and God every day. The only visitor was the home health nurse. I thank God I am a bigger man than those two petty minded grudge filled men who could have cared, should have cared, and did the reverse, did nothing at all, so my struggle to regain my health took longer, was harder, and yes, Id find it very difficult to help them in their crisis when it takes place. So, forgive me for sharing this information. And, if youre a part of the aging bunch, facing health challenges in the all too near future, get started with your support group. I need to do that, myself, now that my energy is better, my pain management is better, and my depression from all of it is under control. God Bless You for reading this. I apologize for the burden of sadness in my history. I do appreciate yall, your love that comes through. Thanks to the birthday girl today, you know who you are, for all of your support, concern, and attention youve given me, although we have never met in person. Thanks to all of you, for all you do, yes, this buddy is for you, too. God Bless and now, to lighten up again!
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 01:27:56 +0000