When I first went active duty Army, it was out of fear. I feared not being able to afford my apartment, I feared not being able to be successful in life, and I feared what would come next. The Army offered me a structured environment. What happened next was easy, I did whatever I was told to do next. There is a certain amount of freedom earned, when you give up your freedom. The bum on the corner of the street has a freedom that most will never understand. I had a freedom that would get the same reaction from most people. I had nothing to worry about. I trusted what was said to me, because the rules of the organization I was a member of were strict and well laid out. You could navigate any situation in the Army, by simply following regulations and rules. I understood those rules. I learned them. I mastered them. I used them to keep me in a comfort zone. I thought I knew the rules of civilian life as well. I had friends. Two of them, the best friends someone could ever ask for. Our families knew each other and were entwined in ways that none of the three of us really knew or understood till years later. The other two married each other while I was doing military stuff. But the three of us did everything together. We pretended, we played, we dreamed of future life, and we laughed and cried over folly and fun. You could damn well assume hell was freezing over if the three of us did not have each others backs. This situation I understood. I thought I did anyway. I agreed to help those two friends in the purchase of some land. I was getting ready to go to Iraq, so I thought I would be able to afford it, and all would be fine. An agreement was made. Once the land was paid off, my name would be added to the deed of the land. The three of us talked over and over about our dreams for this land. Even if we did not live here permanently, it was always to be a place we could go back to. A safe haven. A place where we could lick our wounds, forget about the rest of the world for just a little time, because we were home and safe. That was always in my mind when I thought about getting out of the military. I had a safe place to go home. I had a family. I had friends. Little did I know that certain interactions were underplayed to me. Things happening that I was not completely aware of. My two friends divorced. I knew it was happening. I was asked by her, to not bring up the land. I was told it would make things difficult for the divorce. Trust me I was told, it will be so much easier to add you once he is no longer on the land. I trusted. I thought I knew the rules of friendship. I thought I was being told the truth when I was told we would always take care of one another as good friends should. I was told this by both of them, and I find my friends coming up short. I must have misunderstood the rules somewhere... I let my friends use my car when they had none. I had no real use of it. I could have taken it with me to Germany, and I probably should. But I thought I was doing a good thing. This was my fault. I let my friends live in my house, because I felt it was a better environment for them than the house that was originally on the land. I asked for nothing for the use of the car or house. Nothing. What did I need? I was in a stable environment, needed nothing really in the way of anything. Only bills I had were the car and the house. Internet, phone, whatever I had with me in Germany, Korea, Iraq was easily covered. All I ever asked for, was host me when I visit. I came home once a year. Some I came back to the land and my house, and they took care of me. Others I went elsewhere. I felt I deserved a vacation to where I wanted to be. I paid the house, and the car, and the insurance and allowed them usage, and asked nothing in return. Once the relationship between the other two started deteriorating, and he left to live in another state, I let her mother and mothers boyfriend move in. Asked nothing in rent. Take care of the house and land is all I ever wanted. Leave my room in the house unmolested. When i come home, I will stay there. I want my stuff, my games. Whatever. Fair enough I thought, for living in a house rent free. I got out of the Army. Went home to my safe place. They picked me up. Fed me, helped me out. They asked for help with bills. Part of me wanted to say something. I wanted to say to them, I am helping, by paying the rent. But instead, I gave them money for bills. I finally left the land, to go out into the world. At some point, they needed money to fix something with the land. I sent it. When I came back with my lover and companion, the septic tank had broken. I paid to get it fixed. I also took the female friend I mentioned earlier to the hospital. Her moms boyfriend had a heart attack. I gave the girl some money for some religious rites she wished to perform. I bought the mom some food, stuff I knew she would eat. I was told she was not eating well, and I was concerned. This is what I do for friends. This is what I thought the rules said I had to do. I must have misunderstood the rules somewhere... When I left again, I had some messages from the female friend, and her mother et al. I had told them i could no longer afford paying for a house, and them living there rent free. I needed 100 a month to help out. Through what had to be some of the most confusing and weird exchanges of my life, things ended with them moving out of my house. I returned with my love, to take care of the place, and to see what could be done next. You see, I was trying to begin the rest of my life that everyone said was waiting for me outside the military. I needed to figure out what to do about the place. It would be hard paying for it, and doing other things as well. It would be stupid paying it alone, if I was not using it, or receiving any sort of positive outcome having it in my possession. When I got back, the problems started. Truth be told, they started well before that, however I do not think a play by play is necessary to give you the idea of what was going on. Highlight reel as the saying goes. The first thing, I made it to the house with the electric turned off. I went to the outside meter, and it was shut off. I turned it back on. 2 days later, when they finally made it home, they turned it off again while my love and I were out doing life things. I came home, saw the power off, and went to check the meter. Sure enough, turned off again. I turned it on, told the others that I would put it in my name as soon as Monday rolled around. Some arguing and charged conversation later, and it was agreed it would stay on. I did as I said, and put the power in my name first thing Monday. I got a phone and internet. The others (I like this label for them, reminds me of lost) bothered the installation tech from the phone company, asking if a renter could have services installed without landlord permission. (This is what we call fore-shadowing kids, pay attention) The tech was obviously a witty fellow, as he said yes, this road is an easement, we have access to it without anyones permission. We laughed about this. Spidey sense tingling, but hope was ever in my naive heart. That nagging feeling I put off as the Ape of Thoth. This was my friend. Also, a woman that I spent so much time with, I sometimes called her my second mother. A random, and weird fire is started at the house. To this day I do not know exactly know what started it. Do not even really care to be honest. I went outside, with my love, to put out, and make sure the fire was safe. No one else was out there. I threw a box of stuff on it that I meant to get rid of. Why not right? No plastics, no bad to burn stuff, just some paper trash, and some cotton. The others come out. Complain about me burning their flowers. They leave. I think nothing of it, until the cop shows up. I went out to talk to the police officer, and he told me why he came out. This is when i found out you cannot burn trash of any kind in a pit like that in Arkansas. Not even paper. He also told me, that the others had asked him about the process to evict someone. (Remember the fore-shadowing?) I really did not think much of it to be honest. These are my friends right? I know how the rules of friendship work, this is not the kind of thing you do. I must have misunderstood the rules somewhere... I get home from work. My lover usually takes me into work, drops me off. She then goes to work. When I get off, I either walk or catch a ride to her work. When she gets off, we drive home. Very nice, clean little routine. Comfortable. Calm. Pleasant drive. Plus, IM A BARN!!!! We get home one day, no water in the house at all. Being the relatively smart, and logical person I am, I reason that the water must have been shut off. I go to the meter (after remembering where it bloody well was), and there is indeed a lock on it. I went to talk to the others. I asked them if the water company shut it off, and the response I received was yes, that is what happens when you do not pay your bill. (my reaction to this situation is based on this lie. have the balls to tell me the truth at least, I deserve that much) I told the others that I said I would help pay when i got a job, and that since I had one now I was confused why they did not tell me what I owed for my share. The others said, Well we didnt pay either, and then closed the door in my face. I went to the water company the next day, to pay what was owed on the bill, and get it in my name. I was trying to do the right thing. I was told by the company, that the account was current, not shut off, nor in danger of it. I tried to get it in my name, but was told I needed permission of someone on the deed of the land.... Ironic.... I went back home, and called the police. Told them what was going on, what had happened. End result, I think one of the cops used a bolt cutter to remove the lock, turn the water back on, and told them they could not turn it off again. Seems Arkansas law does not allow landlords to turn off utilities, it is considered harassment. I did not want this. I just wanted water. Tell me you turned it off because you think I should pay. Dont lie to me. I react poorly when I discover a lie. The rules of friendship would seem to say that they should have done that. They also probably say I should have reacted differently as well. Rules were broken on both sides of this friendship. I must have misunderstood the rules somewhere... I must have misunderstood the rules somewhere, because shortly after that, I was given a hand written letter by the mother other, telling me I had 30 days to get out. My house, my companion, and my things needed to be vacated in 30 days. then, a 3 day notice. Finally, recently, a summons to court, for unlawful detainer served to me at my place of work in the middle of the day. I really must have misunderstood those rules somewhere, because this does not seem like what a friend does to another friend. To make matters worse, the others wont talk to me. No face to face. The girl other, from the very beginning of this story, has refused to meet with me. I am STILL not on the deed to the land. Did you forget that little factoid? She could not be evicting me if I was on the deed. That is why I am in this situation. I paid for over half this land. I allowed use of my house, and car, for nothing more than the requirement that my room was available to me when I needed. That I was picked up at the airport if I visited. That I be fed. Notice was always given. I was in the military overseas for Christ sake. I could not just show up. I had to plan out, get a plane ticket, arrange transportation, BEFORE my bosses would even let me leave. Think I am lying? Ask any soldier who has been active long enough to use any of the vacation time they have earned, what T.R.I.Ps is. I have to come up with money for a lawyer now. I am living mostly paycheck to paycheck. This is catching everything up, getting finances back in shape, returning balance to my life. In a couple months, everything will be in equilibrium, and I will start phase two. That includes college, figuring out the wheres whys and hows of it all. But now, I am set back even further, simply trying to defend my right to my safe place. A right I thought was mine already by the rules of friendship. If not that, the rules of decency. I guess I must have really misunderstood the rules somewhere... I am not above asking for help. If you can, I could use the help getting a lawyer. I need the retainer by Monday, to get this started. I am willing to listen, accept advice, computer work, any skill I have at all, to pay back, give something of value for, recompense any and all assistance given. And of course, pay all back as soon as humanly possible. A couple immediate situations will change my finances tremendously for the better, but right now I cannot come up with the retainer in time. I did not write this to ask for help, just to give the facts and what was happening in my life right now. If I seem a little distant, or non-responsive here, or in other communication venues, well now you know why. Through this all, there has been one constant. One thing that has been a light, and bright spot on my path. Kept me going forward, and still does. My love, my bliss... Without her I would have lost a long time ago. Thank you, I love you. Completely, and without reservation.
Posted on: Sat, 22 Nov 2014 04:49:48 +0000
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