When I was a little girl, my cousin and I took baby dolls to a weekend club trip. We each packed a bag with clothes and everything we needed to play mom. We were changing our blond dolls in our room, when I thought about our grandmothers sister La Tia Chavita, who was not on the family trip and chose not to get married or have children. What if I cant have children? Eyes wide open, she said, that would be terrible. She is now mom to two green-eyed boys. There has only been one guy I have ever pictured having children with. He taught this Colombian how American football works. The thought started at a pee-wee football game. After Overtown boys beat a group of Key Biscayne boys, one boy pushed another. A strict inner-city mom jumped to her feet and shouted: GO back and shake his hand. NOW! And he did. She was raising a gentleman. Two relationships later and years of avoiding getting pregnant out of wedlock, I learned I had breast cancer. I broke off a relationship. I felt cornered and the word infertility scared me just as much as cancer. I needed to move fast. I wanted poison in my body to kill cells that fed on estrogen, and freezing my eggs before the poison damaged them would require time and estrogen. I collapsed in tears and hugged my doctor when she said that I had tested positive for a genetic mutation that would explain why cancer hit me young and warn that I was at high risk for ovarian cancer. Doctors recommended that the ovaries be removed as soon as possible. I was at a best friends baby shower at her beautiful Grove Isles home, surrounded by a few pregnant friends and children dressed in white, when the reality that I would never be pregnant hit me like an avalanche. I sat on the bathroom floor in tears. It took me a while to schedule the robotic surgery that would remove ovaries, Fallopian tubes, uterus and cervix. After I took the plunge, I woke up on the maternity wing at Mercy Hospital. Yes, the maternity wing. And on my way out, I was excited to see the newborns through the window, as I had often seen in movies. I will always be grateful to the single dad I was dating at the time. He and his two-year-old son made the nightmare more manageable. Sadly during a Valentines Day weekend trip to Walt Disney, I learned that we were not compatible. The next time I had a child in my arms, I was with two sister friends in an apartment overlooking the ruined Miami Herald building. My sister friends journey to motherhood and family was challenging, but she was glowing. She recently completed a doctorate in public health and Im more proud of her than words could ever express. Her resilience and persistence gives me hope. I have a dream that one day I will be a mom. I have seen many dreams I didnt believe would ever happen come true. I was in a military helicopter on the mountains of Peru. I was in Cannes among film lovers and makers. I have spent days at the Louvre learning about world history. I saw Don Quixote De la Manchas Molinos. I went sky diving to see Florida flat land melt into the oceans horizon. I went paragliding amid a mountainous emerald green scenery. I have faith that one day, life will give me that opportunity and one day this holiday will be a little different. Im blessed to still have my awesome mom around and feel grateful for that. I hope to one day make her a grandmother. I have to go find ways to show her my gratitude for all that she has done for me. To all of my friends who are moms of biological or nonbiological babies: H a p p y M o t h e r s D a y!
Posted on: Sun, 11 May 2014 13:53:53 +0000
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