Whenever I watch any promotional video, material, advertisement, basically anything a team of people worked on to try and get me to spend money, I feel a complete and total disconnect from the world that I am incapable of coming to terms with. I have no ability to understand the modern consumer. They are an alien to me, a bizarre person with 200 apps installed on their phone that demand his/her attention at every instant. This they give, happily. I look at these people not with disdain, but with jealousy for their ability to integrate into a world I find distant and confusing. I feel like, in a race with tens of thousands of competitors demanding the curvature of my eyeball, my reaction has been to shut down. I feel like the western world has outpaced my age, and that a considerable amount of my brain is now plastered with marketing materials for thousands of things I cannot avoid absorbing at every turn. I dont feel solace in outcry. Many people do, I think, and it helps for them to look at the corners of the world that they find reprehensible and get angry, to target these things and focus on them, because it is nice to think that if these reprehensible things were removed, the world would be okay, and we would belong. This brings me, at best, fleeting pleasure. One could cite a collection of cultural clichés that map easily to this feeling of alienation. So many that my first reaction is to dismiss it as trite cynicism, over and over again. To insist to myself that I am a curmudgeon, a disagreeable person for the sake of identity and ego. To insist that all that is required is to lower my defences more, and succumb to a wave of mind numbing overpowering consuming. And yet this is at odds with this disconnect. The feeling of being railroaded vaguely towards nothing, day by day, by my surroundings. The ethereal need for something greater than that manifests itself as guilt and lethargy. So I am between two posts, neither receiving my commitment, like Buridans Ass.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 21:55:44 +0000
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