Where does one find the courage to tell your wife that yet another study is claiming to link autism to a condition or factor that I know she can directly relate to herself? This has nothing to do with blame. My wife is no more at fault for Bianca being autistic than I am.This has to do with guilt and grief. Women have it tough enough. Many express the feeling of their body having failed them when an autism diagnosis is made of their child. There is a grieving process that parents have to go through before coming to terms and I feel as though each study that comes out (however necessary) piles on and starts a few steps of the grieving process all over again. So far, my wife has met the criteria in several studies. She also, as I point out to her often, does not meet the criteria of several more studies. And while I stress constantly that correlation does not necessarily equal causation, I know that if I share this latest study with her she will blame herself and go down guilt road yet again and I dont want to see her hurting. For all of the wonderful things an autism diagnosis can teach you and your family, this is one aspect that I find unfair. So please ladies, do not blame yourselves. You did nothing wrong. You are not being punished. Life happens in all its beauty and all its ugliness and everything in between. When these studies come out, instead of trying to place blame look at it as science trying to paint a complete picture. As difficult as it may be... free yourself of the guilt.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 16:00:00 +0000
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