Whilst it may not appear so, I am in truth a lot closer to retirement than I am to puberty. I think most things that needed to either deepen or drop have, to the best of my knowledge, done so. So let me tell you that even now, in my prime, it is nothing short of soul destroying to turn up at at a pub only to be given a knock back. Have I fallen through a hole in time? As your lesser stiff lower lip begins to quiver your nasty little inner demon, Angsty the Teenage Psyche, pops out up from the gangly-limbed teenage nightmare of your memory to finish off your confidence, Well this is predictably disappointing, he says. Youre not wanted in their pub. They dont want you in there. KBs in each of five consecutive decades. Youre like the Cliff Richard of getting refused entry to pubs. And off I shuffled home as if it was the School disco 1980, 81, 82, 83, 84... It was my own fault. I was an hour and a half late and the place was too full. The universe was teaching me a lesson re my tardiness. Im very unreliable when it comes to meeting up in pubs. I get so very easily distracted and delayed. Oh look, a 16 minute documentary on the collapse of the British economy. Ill just watch a bit of that. Two plays of this cheery documentary later (thanks Ethyl Smith) and 20 minutes background reading and my iPhone is vibrating itself apart with reminder text messages. Did the universe get through to me this time? Have I learned the error of my ways? I was meant to have met the Libyan Ambassador at the venue, so I showed him how we Scots deal with rejection and disappointment. Plan B. Famous Grouse and Irish Coffee at mines. Fire up later. And so the night really began. I should probably write down my Irish Coffee recipe in case that special blend of acid and fire and Nescafe was lost to the world. As the Irish Coffee flowed so did the international statesmanship and our global Alternative Dispute Resolution. Call it a parlour trick if you wish but we usually manage to resolve the Palestinian problem with ten minutes. Its like our Rubiks cube trick. Then we laid in on capitalism. I suspect, given enough Irish Coffee, we could fashion a new utopian earth. With just a couple of hours of Motown classics to entertain us the State visit ended and the Libyan Ambassador left my joint and returned to his joint. Such nights cement productive international relations. Nothing is is left disjointed. Were perfectionists with solutions that make no hash of it.
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 23:24:25 +0000
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