Women who love too much come from families of origin which they were either very lonely and isolated, or rejected, or over burdened with inappropriately heavy responsibilities & so that they develop an overwhelming need to control the people around them & the situations in which they found themselves. It naturally follows that a woman who needs to nurture, control, or both will be able to do so only with a partner who at least allows if not actually invites this kind of behavior. Inevitably, she will involve herself with a man who is irresponsible in at least some important areas in his life becausr she clearly needs her help, her nurturing, and her control. Then begins her struggle to try change him through the power & persuasion of her love. It is at this early point that the later insanity of the relationship is foreshadowed as she begins to deny the reality of the relationship. Her dream of how it could be and her efforts to achieve that end distort her perception of how it is. Every disappointment, failure, and betrayal in the relationship is either ignored or rationalized away.At the same time that this man is disappointing her and failing her, she is becoming more dependent on him emotionally. This is b/c she has already become tightly focused on him, his problems, his welfare, & perhaps most important his feelings for her. As she continues to try change him he absorbs most of her energy. He soon becomes the source of all good things in her life. If being with him doesnt feel good, she tried fixing him or herself so it does. She does not look anywhere else for emotional gratification. She is too busy trying to make it work for them. She is sure if she can make him happy he will treat her better, & then she will be happy, too. In her effort to please she becomes the careful guardian of his well-being. Each time he is upset, she takes his reaction as her failure and feels guilty--for his unhappiness that she hasnt been able to ameliorate, for his inadequacies that she hasnt been able to rectify. But perhaps most of all she feels guilty for being unhappy herself. Her denial tells her that there is nothing really wrong with him, so the fault all must be hers. - Robin Norwood, Women who love to much
Posted on: Fri, 15 Nov 2013 01:42:21 +0000