Worked on pond and burned some of the burnables, took a son out for a drive gained ten new gray hairs. Stopped and had Mexican food for dinner a sons treat next he purchased for me a pack of Yu Gi Oh cards, Upon opening found a fifteen dollar card within the pack. Felt ike the day I opened up the rookie card long ago with my ex-husband. Decided life revolves in circles. Remember sitting in a hospital long ago by myself after a D & C I had miscarried a little one and my mother was far away. I remember hearing the sounds of newborns in the adjoining room and feeling lonely. Years later I would give birth to Jonathan going through labor by myself with the ever present presence of my Savior. I was lonely but I was not alone. Tonight I feel lonely. Circles in time brings me to another trip to the hospital in Port Clinton I had been throwing up blood and as now exhausted. Two weeks before Randys death doctors wanted me to stay but each knew the burdon upon our family intimately and allowed me to go home. They knew Randy was alive because someone cared. Another hospital the University Medical Center of Toledo this time ten days in an ICU while in a coma too was lonely. The beats of the monitors, the shrills of alarms, and the constant presence of fear of the unknown. I remember kneeling to pray for those within alarms blaring we knew one of the families would experience loss that night and each plead not my love one. A pastors wife she had faith but the thoughts of losing her best friend masked in the murky waters of grief and joy that one would no longer feel pain. I have often thanked God for the nurse who came up behind me touched my shoulder and whispered it isnt Randy. Circles eternal are found throughout not only life but within the word of God. I beat Joseph felt lonely in the prison cell, Jonah within the belly of a fish, or Noah within the ark. Jesus had said cant you but stay awake with me for just a little while. Sacrifices out of love or consequences of disobedience either in a prison cell or within the belly of a fish God was in control. God has been in control within my life, A ever present comfort. Another hospital kids home with the flu, Randy implanted a defibrilator as a Christmas gift and I was exhausted. I couldnt lift my head from the foot of his bed. today I slept in until 11:38 am. Disorientated for normally the sound of music pours into my room from the garage. I had overslept but had a wonderful peace. The sun had poured into my room and I felt like a kitten enjoying the sunbeams pouring through the window reminding me of another day within my life the morning on which Randy died. And I smiled although I have never felt accepted within Oak Harbor I have found relationships in the oddest of places a hospital corridor or a visitors line at the local jail. People hurting looking for answers often reaching out to total strangers for comfort for family and friends do not handle diagnosises well. Randy often talked the deepest in the oncology floor receiving a transfusion with others facing death head on while fighting to appease loved ones. Life who do I go to when I am lonely to the Lord but I share with each of you as I did so long ago because whether within the walls of a hospital or home I at times find myself lonely in a roomful of people. Jesus was surrounded and yet not one could stay awake. Finding myself in good company lately upon the journey. I couldnt ask for more for I know from experience that God takes care of. But for those who have made it to the enddo any of you know of a good trust attorney so that I can place my wishes legally upon paper. I have seen a lot of vultures and a lot of money lost. Seen others take advantage. I need to again set things in order and now I reach out to each of you do any of you know of a good trust attorney?
Posted on: Wed, 02 Jul 2014 23:55:09 +0000
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