Yesterday I took some pastry, a nice card, and my tearful regrets and spent a few hours with a friend of 30 years. The time spent with him at his home and later that evening on the phone is having a very meaningful and emotional impact on me. My dear friend, one of the nicest people I’ve ever known, lost his 42-year-old son just three days before. He died only six short weeks after his terminal diagnosis of a very rare and very aggressive cancer. After an unimaginable, horrible, body-destroying attempt at treatment intended to buy him just a little more time, he passed as a mere shell of his once vibrant, strong, handsome self. He was a father of two young children, 10 and 8, husband of a beautiful wife, brother to one and son to two shocked, grief stricken, heart sick parents. My friend expressed to me his biggest regret. He said several times that he wished he would’ve spent more time with his son. Wished he had picked up the phone more to talk to him. His son lived out of state, Florida, and he now wishes he had made the 20-hour drive more often to visit him. Five of his exact pain stricken words that ring in my head…”I can’t now, he’s dead”. We then talked about people who waste time not talking to one another who one day, if they continue their silence may realize when perhaps too late how futile the reason(s) may really turn out to be. We also discussed how nobody is guaranteed tomorrow and if you don’t act today, tomorrow may be too late. I’m asking those who may have unresolved issues with me or anyone that matters in your life how would these issues stand if the news came that I, or you, had only weeks to live? Would they still seem important enough to keep the silence or the distance? You’ve probably read the heavily internet circulated article “Top five regrets of the dying”. Let’s not forget before it’s too late the regrets of the living, like my grieving friend. I’ve reflected on this a lot since yesterday – if your phone rings in the near future and it’s a long overdue call from me, I hope you pick up. Anyone up for coffee, a walk, a talk, a nice meal with me or someone else you know you’ve been missing but for some reason that seems important, you haven’t let yourself bother? I know I’d give anything to hear my mom just one more time say to me “You want to come over for dinner?”, “Bingo tonight?!”, or the thousand other things she used to say, including “I love you”. God how I miss her. Regrets? Yes.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Jun 2013 04:15:48 +0000
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