Your Independence Remember when you lived with your Mum and Dad (you were lucky, many don’t have both parents, or a nice family life)? Imagine that you were allowed to live under their roof, but there were a few rules. Imagine that your earnings (and your brother and sisters) were taken from you and in exchange you received a proportion of it to spend as you see fit. This was decided by your parents and the rest of that money goes to your parent’s bank account, which they call the family account. You sometimes ask for a bit more of your wages, but your dad calls you a scrounger and says no, even though you know that you contribute more than you’re asking for. They have decided that they want a new car. A very expensive car. You will not be allowed to drive the car, but they will occasionally take you somewhere in it. It’s of massive benefit to them, but not really to you. They also will not let you take money you have earned to buy a car for yourself. This is partly because the new car is so expensive. They say it’s vital it’s upgraded as it would be easier for them to get around, instead of using the perfectly functional car they have. Your sister might get some benefit, and your brother gets no benefit from it at all. “If you don’t like it, move out.” Next let’s imagine that they want to buy a new security system. It’s a very big expensive system. It has all sorts of bells and whistles (cameras, infrared cameras, and the ability to incinerate intruders: but this particular feature will ruin the house completely and make it unliveable). Now you have to make a very large contribution to the cost of this, even though you think a much cheaper, simpler, but very effective system would be better than the over the top system that your parents want. You know lots of people who don’t have the very expensive system, and who manage to secure their property well enough. You live in an area with low crime, but your parents are worried about the possibility of the crime spreading from that place a few miles away across town, and they want the system. Your neighbours, a few doors up and down the street, think its silly, but your parents tell them that they need it just in case the crime spreads and that if the neighbours don’t have it “how can you really be secure?”. Your dad had made this point to your neighbour Sven, and Sven was incredibly insulted by the suggestion that his home was somehow insecure because he uses a different systems than your Dad. Of course recently someone 7 streets over had a huge argument with their neighbour over the boundaries of each others properties, lots of damage was done, and everyone knows who was responsible, but nothing much was done apart from a few veiled threats. Now your Mum tell you that anyone who doesnt have one is stupid and she thinks it’s an absolute necessity that everyone in the town knows that you have this system. You have no choice. Your wages are going to go towards this very expensive security system. The best bit is that the main system workings are in your bedroom. Your parents tell you that it’s the best place for them, mainly because it’s far away from their room, people wont be able see it as easily, and the things they think are most valuable would be best kept the maximum distance possible from the workings. You’ve tried to discuss it but your parents don’t care that if the burglars want to destroy the system before raiding the home, the first target is in your room, and effectively you would be the first one to suffer any devastating effects of having this expensive system (for example, getting killed first) located in your room. They tell you “that’s tough”, it’s “their decision” and that it’s “just the way it has to be”. “If you don’t like it, move out.” You make a contribution to all aspects of the house, but your earnings have a monthly bonus attached to them. You get a bonus from the extra work you do, but your parents don’t trust you to spend it appropriately. They see your bonus as their bonus. You do all the work, but they take all of the money. They are using it to help Dad prop up some financial investments he made years ago, which are not really benefitting the family very much, though your Dad argues that they are the most important thing in the house and without them the economy of the house would completely collapse. You know this is nonsense as everyone has money that they bring in, even if it is varying amounts. Your parents argue that the money you contribute to this doesn’t actually belong to you, just them. They reap all the benefits from propping up dad’s investments (like the occasional dividend), while you and your siblings see none of it. You, your sister and brother all still get the proportion of the monies earned, as decided by your parents. “If you don’t like it, move out Your family allows your extended family to pay money, in a variety of measures, to maintain a holiday home. Everyone wants to be there, however, its made clear that everyone MUST pay their fair share to make sure that things are maintained. However some of your extended family dont actually pay any of their contribution. This has annoyed you and when you asked about it you were told they have bought a lot of the CDs in the holiday home so its ok if they dont pay anything. You pointed out that it cant be one rule for you and one rule for others - if everyone is in this together then everyone should pay their share. You point out that since your Uncle Derek didnt pay anything last year, that your cousin Michelle is now saying she doesnt want to either, and your Dad says thats ok because even though she only contributes a smaller amount than Derek, she does after all bring coffee to the house. Your dad then goes quiet and refuses to talk about it anymore. Your mum pipes in that your Dad can choose to let the people off with it, because as long as he’s getting enough to cover the cost of maintaining things that is deemed OK... Because CDs and coffee! If you dont like it then move out So eventually the day comes, all these disagreements over how the house is run, how money is distributed and spent, and it all bubbles to the surface. You and your parents clearly have very different priorities, you believe in different ways of managing things. Things get very heated. Then the question gets asked. “Do you want to move out then?” What is your answer? What do you think is most important? How do you think things should be managed? You stop. You think itll be a pain in the arse to have to start over. What a pain having to set up all the accounts and finances, arrangements. Then you realise; I can start over. From scratch. I can make it work for me. Make things the way I need them to be to do things the way thats best for me. You know that moving out will be very difficult at first, there will be sacrifices, there will be hardship, paying for some things that were split between all of you will be hard for you on your own. Yet, you know that you wouldn’t need to spend lots of money on the things you didn’t want to buy, or the things that you think you could have got better value for. Your parents tell you that if you do things yourself your weekly shopping MIGHT cost more, but you say that you know that it might, but thats no reason not to go on your own. You might be closer to the people who sell the produce, that might even make it cheaper. Mum reminds you that your credit rating is not as good as theirs so borrowing will cost you more. You say that you know, but thats not a reason for going out on your own. How will you improve your credit rating if you dont borrow? Mum starts crying, she gets all weepy, says that she loves you, that things will change, that it will get better. They both plead with you, desperately. Promise that they have a plan to improve the house for everyone, to share the decision making. But they cant tell you what, because they cant agree on what the changes should be, or how they should be implemented. You know you’ll make mistakes, balls things up, get things wrong. Youll maybe have to borrow money (and while your credit rating with the bank isnt as good as Mum and Dads youll manage) to get yourself started and on your feet. Ask yourself are you confident that in the long run you would get it mostly right? Do you think you might learn from the mistakes that your parents made (such as Dads investments), or learn from the things that your parents were too stubborn to listen to you about, or make changes to? Did you get your independence? Do you hate your family? Or do you still love them, even though you see things differently? Are you sorry that you have to manage things yourself? Are you worried that life is too risky to take a chance on a new job? Take a chance on a new house? Take a chance on a new career? Or even take a chance on a new way of doing things? Is it the wrong time to have a child? Wrong time to get married? Are you sorry that you had to learn to get things right by yourself? Are you sorry that you had to sort your own money out? Did you have people with a vested interest telling you at you couldnt do it? When you moved out on your own were you excited? Scared? Worried? Hopeful? Unsure of yourself? Confident? All of the above? So if your own independence was important enough to give it a go, then make it happen. Take the chance. Why are you willing to have the overbearing parents at Westminster take everything from our country, give us only what they see fit, let us have only limited control, and have the cheek to let the rest of the family say we’re spongers? Why let them say one thing in front of us and another behind our back? If you trusted yourself to get things right (eventually), do things your own way, make your own decisions, run your own affairs, why not trust that your friends and neighbours can make the right choices and make things better for the country that you live in and for the people that you live with? Its your decision. Just like it was when you decided to take control of your own destiny. #indyref #voteyes
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 21:14:43 +0000