Your friend is dating Darth Vader. Let me explain: “Luke, your dad is totally evil.” “There’s good in him. I’ve felt it.” “Luke, he blew up a planet just to make a point.” “There’s good in him! I’ve felt it!” “Luke, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he severed your hand. From your arm. He cut it off.” “Dueling to the death is just how we relate. You wouldn’t understand it. Now that we both have prosthetic robot limbs, it’s only brought us closer together.” “Luke, he lured your friends into a trap so that he could murder them in front of you. We had to be rescued by Ewoks. It was embarrassing.” “Yeah, that was pretty bad, I admit! But there’s good in him! I’ve felt it!” And then Luke is risking his own life to carry Darth Vader out of the Death Star before it explodes so he can look up on that swollen purple face and experience one shining moment of real connection that would justify everything he’s invested in this completely dysfunctional relationship and he’s like “See? IT WAS ALL TOTALLY WORTH IT!” and even R2D2 is like “Whatever, the Ewoks are having a dance party, and I just can’t talk about this with you even one more time. Have fun with your collection of Ghostly Jedi Father Figures.”
Posted on: Mon, 15 Jul 2013 11:08:51 +0000