Zebby man mommy misses you so much im just still so in shock that ur gone and not here with me and never will be here on earth with me again as long as I live it tears me up on the inside I barely feal alive but on the out I hide my pain ive always keep my problema to me I always stay strong n found a way through I remeber talking with u alone in our room just me and u hugging u so tight while u rubbed my bck as id tell u I loved u so much and ur my worls and u mean everything to me and I never want u to forget that mommy loves u and u say I wuv u to u always keep me smileing all I ever wanted in life was you somedays I wanted to run away just me and u im sorry for all the times u seen me and daddy argue it was never about u it was just problema between me and daddy but I am sorry for the times u heard or aeen u never ahould have ur to precious but u always helped keep us togeather and I wanted that even when times were hard cuz u deserve a good life with mommy and daddy in one and thats what I wanted for u and now were here without u and dont know why...where did i go wrong what did I say wrong I know im not the greateat person in the world ive did my wrongs n sins but I know im not the worst eaither I tryes hard to be a good proud mom that I was eveeything I did or wanted to do was for y ut was yr life not mine and now im without ur life while I still got mine and wishing I was with u I wiah my time would come I have nothing on earth to want to live for except family but u were my heart my body ur what I created ur what I want to be with without u I dont feal me I dont feal like the mommy I should idk why im still living idk why this had to happen im sorry it did and sorrt iant good enougg idk what to say I just wish I was a better person I wish I was outthere with u I hatemyself and feal maybe I wasnt a good mother like I tyought maybe I gave mself to much credit I never wanted to fail at being your mother I always wanted to make u proud of me and know I want the best for u cuz ur the best ur my son my one true love that has my heart my smile im sorry I tryes to save u I did im sorry zeb I hope u know that and as much as I hatw t to live without u I wish I was gone n u still had a life its not fair I know ill hate myself forever cuz everyday and everynight I lay down reruns of the day u paased flash in my head like a movie I try to think of what why how im just so confused I never thought id be without I thought uwas safe I failed n im sorry but fprever my baby boy ull be always with me everyday I feal u n think of u as if I was pregnant its hard to not see u hear u around I try to do things to occupy my mind byt ur all I can think avout and how I failed or ud he here I know ut was an accident jothibg I ever wanted to see exapexially my own child I never thought id find lifeless without me im crushed my mind is just on replay I dont ever remember much in days cuz usally all I think about is our last day togeather and what we did it was a fun morning and im glad I did carry u up the hill ans get to hold u that close cuz I miss ur touch mommy is lost without u zebby and I know othera r also but they dont know how I feal and some say they do i juat ignore them they dont know how hard thia has beeb from when I started to yell ur name to now they didbt go through what I did and those that say id kill myself etc etc n dont know yow im doin ok well the truth ia u dont know until it happena to u I thought I would to still think of it but I cant so must not be what I should do n its hard to live but I am trying to live for my son on this earth he deservea that also cuz he ia n my heart body mind soul he is apart of me he is what malea me whole I just hate hearing othera talk dont think I cry ejough or act sad enough just cuz I keep my emotions behind cloae doors noone know how much I cry im always fuxkednup inside my mind never stops I know it never will cuz all I can do it think im juat confused I hate to fail why did I have to loose my son my love my beat friend I miss u ao many. Ways the things u did u always made me amile madebme proud to take u around n show u off u was such a big boy always a helper I treated u as a big boy not a baby cuz u acted big im always thinking ofbu zeb mommy misses u n cant wait to seebu again plz be strong and know mommy is very sorrry I tryed i prayed but god wouldnt give u bck n idk y I just miss u n get lonely u was my baby n always n forever will be xoxox I juat wish I could kiss ur lips again n hold ur hand I love u zebulun dean klaus ☆♡I miss you so much I just hope my time hurrys im ready to be with u its been over 4 months now its been to long ...
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 19:22:46 +0000
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