Zuleima Hernandez Russell, Randall Jesus Russell, Robin Russell Cannady, Dal Cannady, Emily Pace, Don Hendricks Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A: Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation. Q: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A: Pharaoh’s daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q: What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A: Ruth-less. Q: Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? A: Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years. Q: Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A: Samson; he brought the house down. Q: Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A: In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. Q: How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden ofEden? A: They were really put out. Q: What is one of the first thing that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A: They really raised Cain. Q: What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A: Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q: How long did Cain hate his brother? A: As long as he was Abel! Q: What was the last thing Noah said before he entered the Ark? A: So long Fellers! Q: The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories? A: They used floodlights. Q: After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah? A: 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark. Q: Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible? A: When Adam and Eve needed more coverage. Q: Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible? A: When David gave Goliath a piece of therock. Q: Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A: David, he rocked Goliath to sleep. Q: Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A: The thought had never entered his head before? Q: If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath? A: No, he already fell for it once. Q: Why won’t we drink milk in the new world? A: Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction. Q: Why shouldn’t Christians watch TV? A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said, “Tell the vision to no one.” Q: Who was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A: Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once. Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible? A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers. Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A: The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing. Q: How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A: Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.” Q: Will there be dogs in the new system? A: No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot. Q: Who was the straightest man in the bible? A: Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler. Q: Which Christian magazine did the apostle Paul command to never throw away? A: Ephesians 5:18 says to “keep Awake” Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Davids Triumph was heard throughout the land. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement. Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? A. Turn right and go straight. Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaohs court. When was the longest day in the Bible? The day Adam was created because there was no Eve. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? Your mother ate us out of house and home. Why didnt they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck. Who had the first aspirin? Moses, had two tablets. Q. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee? A. Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . “He-brews” A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” His mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered: “I think it’s Adam’s suit!” Who is the smallest man in the Bible? Peter, because he slept on his watch. Who was the shortest man in the Bible? Knee-hi-miah. Why was Cain the Bible’s first constipated man? Because he was not Able. Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? A: Its Christmas, Eve! Q: Who was the fastest runner in history? A: Adam. Because he was first in the human race! Q. What American state is mentioned in the bible A: Arkansas. For Noah looked out of the Ark and saw . . . Q: Who was the first stockbroker in the Bible? A: Noah. He floated his stock, when everyone else was in liquidation. Q: Where is the first car mentioned in the Bible? A: “These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, ...”—Acts 1:14 Q. Where is the first math problem mentioned in the Bible? A. When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply. Q. Did Eve never have a date with Adam? A. No, just an apple. Q. At what time of day was Adam created? A. A little before Eve. Q: Why was Adam a famous runner? A: Because he was first in the human race. Q: What do we have that Adam never had? A: Ancestors. Q: Why was Adam created first? A: To give him a chance to say something. Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve. Q: Why did God create man before woman? A: He didn’t want any advice. Q. Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible? A. When Adam and Eve needed more coverage. Q: Why didn’t Noah go fishing? A: He only had two worms! Q: Was there any money on the ark? A: Yes: The duck took a bill, The frog took a green back, and the skunk took a scent. Q: Why couldnt Cain please God with his offering? A: He just wasnt Abel. Q: How do we know Abraham was smart? A: He knew a Lot. Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12, 14, 16 we read, I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me. What insect went to Egypt on a donkey? The Flea: The angel told Joseph to take mary, the baby and flee into Egypt. What bird placed Jonah in the belly of the fish? A Swallow What animal in the ark had the smallest appetite? A moth he just eats holes Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? He thought he saw a job. Why was Adam created first? To give him a chance to say something. How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income Why did Noah punish the chickens? Because they were using fowl language To what question could Eve never say yes? When Adam asked if she had heard a joke from anyone else Why was Solomon the wisest man in the world? Because he had so many wives to advise him Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible? When God gave Moses two tablets Where could the Israelites have deposited their money? At the banks of the Jordan When is high financing first mentioned in the Bible? When pharoahs daughter took a little prophet from bulrushes When was the Jordan river angry? When someone crossed it What money did Noah carry into the ark? Bucks and doe What Bible character may have been only a foot tall? Nicodemus since he was a ruler. What did the duck say when Noah gave him his lunch? You can put this lunch on my bill What was the speech the angry umpire gave the pitcher and coach God? Sermon on the mound What was the smartest animal on the ark? The snake: No one could pull his leg Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic? They were always saying neigh Why were Peter, Andrew James and John the best letter writers? Because as fishermen they learned to drop a line. Who in the Bible drove a foreign car? The apostles: They were all in one accord Why was the dyslexic agnostic an insomniac? He stayed up all night worrying about whether there was a DOG or not Q: How do we know that cars are in the New Testament? A: Because Jesus was a car painter! Why didn’t Pharaoh stop swimming when the plagues started? He was in da Nile. Which prophet was most likely to wear contact lenses? “Eyes – aiah” (Isaiah) Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs? A: No the worms came in apples. Q: Where is the second mention of insurance in the Bible? A: David gave Goliath a piece of the rock. Q: Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach? A: Because it was Pauls bottle. Q: What is the best way to get to paradise? A: Turn right, and go straight from there on. Q: Why wont we drink milk in the new world? A: Because at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction. Q: Why shouldnt Christians watch TV? A: At the transfiguration, Jesus said: Tell the vision to no one. Q: Will there be dogs in the new system? A: No. 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? It had never entered his head before. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark? Because they were using fowl language. Q What is the first recorded case of constipation in the Bible? A Its in Kings, where it says that David sat on the Throne for forty years. Q: Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible? A: Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers. What did Noah say while he was loading all the animals into the ark? Now Ive herd everything.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:18:26 +0000