having one of those moments god if you can hear me pllz tell me your singing wagon wheel to my nephew everytime he crys or gets cranky he really likes that song and you probably got a better voice for it to i thought i would deal with it and after awhile i could stop hurting but i miss him so much i know im just his uncle but if you knew how that child was my whole life my everything maybe you would have let me keep him my grandma that i understand she lived to be 92 and lived a full life but my nephew was so so young if you could truly see the tears accumulated over these past two months and how hard it gets when im alone in my thoughts you could understand but why do I have these strange dreams about nothing when all i want is to dream of my nephew so badly I dont want a child nor another neice or nephew because i know I couldnt love that child the same and id just be waiting for the day id loose them again why do i have to be left so broken with no understanding of anything i used to be able to make sence of life and now i dont even know what life is anymore if i could go back to this summer i would repeat every day forever and ever i knew he would have been talented and i would have pushed him to succeed in every aspect I cant even give my own sister the same attetion anymore because everytime i look into her eyes my mind starts racing and i just want to break down its not ever going to be a possibility that i will cope with my loss and thats the only thing im sure of maybe im tired and cranky and just cant sleep so im rambling but its not my mind this time its my heart why does it have to ache so badly every second of every day of every past week hes been on my mind and maybe i just dont want to share i want him all to myself yeah you can say hes got people who care for him up there but what makes them deserve him more than me justin has two children my grandfathers and grand mother have plenty children my uncle has two wonderful daughters i have nothing its been a struggle anymore to stay positive im working my hardest on it but lord its so hard pllz give me something a cloud a butterfly a symbol to know it will be okay i hear people tell me that but from you it would mean something so much more i love you and i love my nephew but why and where did i go wrong if you would give me him back i would quit my job and never sleep another day in my life so i called watch him every second why do the most undeserving people have their children maybe its wrong but why couldnt you have taken a sick child or a miserable child why one so happy did you have plans for him was he your gift to my grandmother so she new every thing would be okay when she got there i miss brantley so badly my lttle sister will pull out a picture of him and start talking about him like hes still here and i want so bad to be angry with her and i know i cant because its not her fault she doesnt really realize hes gone and it kills if i could live with that not knowing everyday i would be so grateful but i cant every day i wake everynight i sleep knowing he is gone and it breaks me down one of the most peaceful songs have became a painful reminder of my loss and it sucks so much i just want to go to sleep and see hime can i please go to sleep and see him -Amen
Posted on: Wed, 30 Oct 2013 08:42:59 +0000
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