i dont know what to do or what just happened. i just laid awake for hours in bed, unable to sleep or even get up because of fear. at least i think thats what it was. my chest was heavy and all i could think about is how much of a failure as a person i am. i couldnt even really close my eyes. i just laid there, borderline hyperventilating. i had a lot of important things to do today, but ll my mind could think of is how futile any of my actions have been for the past 2 years...so i just laid there. the only reason im up now is because i have to go work an overnight shift. im actually rather surprised that THAT is enough to make me move now. i guess my brain at least knows where i get food from. i am very sad and feel very, very useless right now (hell, and very tried since im having to go to work on little-to-no sleep). to be honest, im not even really looking for words of encouragement. im just lost and not even sure what to do about it, or why this crept up on me all of a sudden. i help people. that feels like my only use and ive come to terms a long time ago with being that kind of stepping stone. but this is the first time ive ever just felt like a rock. a dumb, cold rock.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 21:00:52 +0000
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