if you live in someone elses house and theyre a different religion than what you believe in and they make you clean up their dishes and do their laundry and mow the lawn and clean the gutters and stuff and it doesnt go toward eventual partial ownership for you, you should come in and do a magic trick with your staff and tell them to let you and all your siblings and cousins and all your friends walk out of there forever with as much of their stuff as they can carry. if they say no, fill all the sinks and tubs and pipes with real blood, then ask again. if they say no get a bunch of frogs, a ton of lice, and big swarms of flies, and fill the house and yard and their car and office with those, in order. ask again, then poison all the pets. ask again, then give the roomates something theyre highly allergic to, or infect them with shingles or stevens johnsons syndrome. ask again, then borrow a ball machine from a batting cage and just shoot it at the house and their families and friends houses for like a week or something, and any humans that come outside. ask again, then if they still refuse, fill the refrigerator and the pantry with bugs that eat all of the food, and also probably release them at the supermarket to be sure. if still refused, black out all windows and allow no light to shine, hide all candles and flashlights, bar the doors, keep them in complete, pre-genesisial darkness. if these nutcases still refuse you, kill every bchor (בְּכֹּרִי) every first born son of this house. now they will let you go. just in case they change their minds and try to chase you, whatevers left of them, while you all carry their stuff away, unharmed, make sure you set a huge, sea-sized booby-trap so they all die and cannot enslave you anymore. once theyre out of your hair and youre not sure where to go next, go to someone elses house and tell them its yours now, do whatever you need to do with them to make sure that works out, including killing any and all who want to destoy you whenever you find their descendents for the rest of time until moshiach im looking at you, amalek, and collect all of the delicious free food and drink that gets put out for you every day. every year stop eating all your favorite stuff for about a week and clean it out of that place and make your kids and grandkids get drunk two nights in a row and eat a plate of food that sounds like it must be a prank and which is surprisingly difficult to prepare and which has to use all separate dishes again while they tell everyone what you told them happened that time in an extremely detailed, intricate, exacting, performative way that is never to change even one word, forever and ever for like several thousand years so far. games and songs and door/plate/ chair for ghost NOT OPTIONAL.
Posted on: Fri, 11 Apr 2014 03:58:42 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015