its been a long while since I posted anything on fb. but as I sit here tonight in just complete devistation of the reality of the inevitable! meaning, I got a call that dad was needing to go back to hospital. they waw gonna drive him to VA hospitak in poplar bluff, his cancer coukd see him there as well. shortly after that call I recieved another call saying an ambulance had to be called due to some complications.protocol insist he be taKen to sikeston so away thwy went. i sent my mom and son a text ro tell dad that i loved him and would see him soon. the whole ride down to sikeston I just hoped and prayed that dad woukd recognize me si I could telk him myself. the ride alone was mentally and emotionally draining for me. it seemed like it took forever to get there. upon arrival I wentcto tbe er asked fkr ny daddys room. I. opened the door. he looked st me and acknowledged my presents. and tokd him myself I loved him and hecreplied likewise! then just fadedout asleep? passed out? something. tbey admitted him with the reasoning if liver failure. we all sat in his room andlistened to him try to remember things and watched him as his body was showibg tbe evidence of his disease. it hit me hard just how selfish i was to want my daddy here at what costs? him to be miserable and hurt and deteriorate down to nothing. just plumb dam selfish! it is time for me to change my prayer that I prayed for him routinely. I am not praying my dad away by no means. I am praying that when its time, which is gonna happen that it be as calm and peaceful as can be my new prayer is for the transition from physical being to spiritual being be a very smooth one. I pray he shows up at the gates of heaven instantly and that st Peter is there to expedite him through and I pray that his mom and sister and others he mentioned are there to greet him. I pray that heaven is everything he thougbt and taught us it is to be and more. I pray he walks on streets of gold that he mentiined many times I pray that all the sacrifices he made for us and all the. times he took a knee at the alter and prayed amd every tear he cried was justifiably worth it all plus. I pray he feels no pain and pray he can run jump play with his sister like they where kids again I pray he has that ear to ear smile and knows it was all worth it. my prayer continues that he quickly gets his wings and I pray he returns as the highly respected angel he is going to be and then I pray he touches the hearts of the loved ones he leaves behind. there is a now another prayer that needez to go along witb this one. something happens to these kids grandpa some of them wont know how to deal witb it. that is a whole other issue that is going to arrise.. I can say that I know no other man that deserves a place in heaven than my dad. he is my role model. he is wat I wanted to pattern myself after. when I felt like I exhausted all my attempt s to keep my kids as a famiky in one household he was the first pers ok. I went to and appologized too. my kids were the next. I hav the upmost respect for him as a man, a husband, and a father. I couldnt imagine growing up in a house without my dad being there and for that reason I carry A LOT guilt that can never be released. he didnt understand why I apologized to him. his approval and him being proud of me means that much. I respect him as many others do. he has tou hed a lot of lives. the world could use a lot more like him. it would be a much better place.
Posted on: Tue, 21 Oct 2014 04:06:12 +0000