my take on the female condition or why we need girlfriends The “Secret Apartment” By Merla Reid Is it really true that the entire female half of the human species comes from Venus, or could there be a scientific explanation for the bonding that in some cases, happens instantly between females of all ages? Not to say that all women get along. No but you can be sure that the healthy and well adjusted of us has that short list of women to call at four in the morning in the event of a crisis. It would go something like this,.... me “I need you to come over” her....“I’ll be right there!” There was a landmark study done at UCLA by Drs Shelley Taylor and Laura Cousino Klein on how humans handle stress. While men’s response, that was first described by Walter Cannon in 1932 as “fight or flight”, they would like to suggest that in women the hormone, oxytocin in conjunction with female reproductive hormones creates what they call a “tend and befriend” response to stressful conditions. Women first instinct is to tend to their children and seek out the support of other women. Studies suggest that this act releases even more of the hormone that reduces the stress and creates a calming effect. Their theory is this effect does not occur in men because of the high levels of testosterone present during stressful situations that neutralizes the effects of oxytocin. Due to the ever changing roles of women today this information becomes very interesting theory. At no other time in history has it been more pressing for women to look after their emotional and physical well being. With the traditional values of wife mother and homemaker still in full force as well as full partner in the business of financially supporting a household, women are finding themselves more stressed out than ever before. With only 24 hours in every day and higher expectations, today’s woman is compelled to find a balance for herself between her ever mounting responsibilities and ever shrinking free time. In the 1950’s you could find the ideal family depicted on the cover of any Ladies Home Journal or Women’s Day magazine, husband with a fedora doffed and briefcase in hand, the super hero esque sole breadwinner headed off to work whilst a typical “housewife” sports her new hoover vacuum in her high heels and pearl necklace (or was that June Cleaver of “Leave it to Beaver” fame) Gone are those simpler times. Today women find themselves with two jobs! Hearth and home and full time employment. We are now as a group rivalling men in the stress related disease category. It’s been proven that married men live longer than single men yet single women and married women have the same life expectancy. However women who have strong (female) social ties live longer than women who don’t. It makes sense that if due to strong friendship bonds, stress is reduced then risk of disease such as high blood pressure, heart disease and high cholesterol is also reduced. So is it a blast of girly hormones that makes us seek out the company of other women or is it a healthy dose of the girly lunches and sewing club get togethers we witnessed as children. Some of my happiest memories were the lively conversations around the kitchen table when my aunts and my mother would get together. The tone was always different when it was just the girls. My father bless his heart, always knew when to find something to do in the garden. Not to take any thing away from the “til death do us part” relationship. Today it’s just needs to be more about balance then it’s ever been before. Just as in general some women will never understand why screaming at a figure toting a small ball on a large TV is somehow cathartic for men, men will never really get why the only person to see a chick flick with is another chick. For the record, to all those sons, husbands, fathers and grandfathers out there trust that the bond between the women in your life and their girlfriends in the long run, is to your benefit. When women ore faced with a challenge, they will lay it out like an unfinished quilt and let others they trust help work it out. Of course this is based on those fortunate enough to have a solid group of confidants, they will usually get some really sound advice or at least a perspective they missed. Then they can trot back to the challenge and try on the new found wisdom for size. Women dont stand on the street corner bemoaning their grievances to any other random women who will listen (well, hardly ever) These are carefully cultivated relationships deemed worthy of the daunting task of keeping all those precious marbles together. The conversations that transpire behind the many locked bathroom doors across the land,(or was that just me?) start with frustrated pleas for understanding and usually end up with mutual laughter. Any man who has ever had a close relationship with a mother, sister, wife has surely scratched his head more than once at the cryptic smiles or simultaneous nudges shared by her and her close friends. So whether it be some mysterious shower of brain chemicals (nature) or our mother’s clandestine ya ya sisterhood meeting from childhood (nurture) at the end of the day, for those lucky women who learned how to find their way, there will always be that place that they can go to laugh and reminisce, catch up and just be. “the secret apartment.” (for those who dont know the secret apartment, it is that fictional place you and your girlfriends can go no men allowed and just hang out)
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 00:54:39 +0000
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