whether gentile or jew or a complete stranger or someone i knew i want u to b my soul mate - poetry and prose, the way eye woo clam ring against bars holding this call field of the human zoo! sands of time ™ “Where fore art those innocent and precious days of youth”? That rhetorical question continues to resonate and reverberate within the catacombs of my mind with increasing frequency! Where in tarnation (and feel free and more than welcome to insert and substitute your favorite expletive here) did those carefree, lackadaisical and leisurely days of youth disappear? I daresay any satisfactory answer can be offered, but this dazed disbelief might be akin to someone becoming inebriated within a darkened dive. Upon entering broad daylight, blinking their dulled and glassy eyes and fighting valiantly against sobriety all the while, said individual relents and confronts their bleak house of existence! No great expectations (by dickens) ever seemed part of this formerly reticent and withdrawn mere wisp and writer of these words. He did seem to excel in various and sundry obsessive compulsive behaviors, which most serious for those who still possess the capacity to jog their fuzzy memory constituted a deadly romance with Anorexia Nervosa! Although nearly three quarters of these two score and thirteen years elapsed since full recovery from an attempt at the slow suicide via self-starvation, I can honestly attest that a long shadow of darkness impinged itself upon thy psyche! In other words, a painful awareness prevails that permanent legacy affected maximum growth of body, mind and spirit! Perhaps the divulgence of such a poignantly private and painful crisis (that nearly rent his being asunder during that emotionally tumultuous prepubescent phase) may be of little interest and less relevant to his fellow classmates than how he occupies himself with at this juncture, yes? Truth be told nobody knows the troubles I went thru back during the throes of adolescence, which severe difficulty to cope with (what might be deemed ordinary transformations) prompted me to take such a passive yet destructive endgame upon thyself! With the advantage of foresight (always twenty/twenty - even without glasses) and in retrospect from the (supposedly storied) vantage point of greater (cough…gag…hack) maturity and wisdom, I trace cause and effect. A parallel series of unfortunate events (perhaps beginning even at birth - or well nigh at articulate conception for that matter), a woebegone circumstance now finds me deeply submerged into my own series of unfortunate events Lake Lachrymose! Regular lock, stock and barrel reassessment of personal travails occurs with pained reflections of those infamous what if scenarios played out ad nausea with little or no change in the present dilemma. No matter how much mental energy effort gets exerted nor the small fortune of pennies tossed down the wishing well to affect a more ideal, satisfactory and smug past, the inescapable and utter displeasure with this actual and vast amount of tribulations roars back! Most if not all graduates from the class of nineteen hundred and seventy seven would probably draw a blank upon reading this bumbling and frenetic plight scrawled from thee most outstanding another wallflower! I accept and expect that the vast majority of readers to scratch their heads with nary a blues clues what purpose this bulletin served if only to exhibit and parade (just spare me one minor request and imagine Pomp and Circumstance playing thru computer speakers) meaningless gibberish! No matter than little or no comprehension takes place, a friendship (ideally of the female persuasion) spoken sotto voce seeks to take place in an effort to become extricated from a figurative quagmire and mainly bogged down from this most displeasing dismal marriage! ---------------------------------------------- Medicine ™ This unseasoned and virgin wastrel of a wayfarer (hidebound and tethered like a yoked oxen) to the meaningless motions of modern-day muggle affairs! He wants to be out-sourced into a hidden dimension of magic and mysticism, which current existence bereft of depth of meaning and resistant to the sieve of pensiveness extant within my rather inquisitive nature! His Goliath mental precocity seems poisoned by the establishmentarian daggers and darts of capitalism, conformism, consumerism, et cetera, which codas and strictures pummel and punish the child-like speculation into pulverized powder! He who must not be named perchance took refuse inside my scarred refuse of a somewhat demure, obedient and passive patron of civilization, which numerous decades of subservience to said crass commercialization and deification of material acquisition, yet still decries the trappings of modern day Westernization and seeks even a rudimentary defense against what I properly identify as the dark and sinister arts of artifice and claptrap! No easy way to offer you an abridged version (and brook those undercurrents of riptides) that wreak havoc and deliver nothing but hard times (by dickens) to this writer and kin! I constantly feel rent asunder and whipped this way and that (by abysmal fate) in what most likely appears to be beyond the ability to function, yet someone (by the grace of some divine force and faith in inherent strength) perform requisite duties to be adumbrated as this online rapport evolves. How this impasse and quagmire bogs me down (near to the point of emotional, mental and spiritual suffocation) requires a friendship to be established. Best for this moderately agitated guy (which psychic state exemplified via frenetic and jangling prose) to attempt a summarization of this dire dilemma back some years from the here and now! The bitter pill of an existence fraught with emotional peril prods me to rely on that Darwinian survival of the fittest psychological/ spiritual modus operandi/ modus endive je nais sais quois faith on inherent good humor (since laughter touted as the best medicine) to cope amidst adversity, cruelty, enmity… from - matthew scott alias = love2contra@aol
Posted on: Tue, 20 Aug 2013 00:42:04 +0000
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