-------A Story of Misery----------- “The world is not fair. And I realized this unfair affair at the age of eighteen, when I had just started dreaming of huge white clouds full of hope and positive possibilities arose from my personal flawed desire. I hardly managed to complete my final academics in school, considered eligible for under-graduation. I was totally disappointed with myself, sometimes blamed the system fro my utter failure. Though the certificate showed that I was a second graded student, but in comparison to the educational market, I was nothing but a common dustbin. This was the first time I felt devastated with all my heart, losing all my hope to the future. So, without my knowledge and any sign of warning, eighteen became the threshold of being negative about life. The ‘Jack of All Trades’ was thrown at the gutter. And started a new life where hope and wish was just a word in dictionary. However, I was not finished with my misery. No way at all. I started to go to a college where I got admitted without any future plan, any thing and subconsciously I was not in sound relation with my stream, as I didn’t wanted to. I had other plans before and my underscore forced me to go for such unromantic decision. If there is no love between a student and his subject, I don’t found any success there. Same thing happened to me. I was not concern about good score any more. All I knew was to complete the graduation any how. Though I tried to score well, but my willpower stopped me from doing so. Three years in a college, where no discipline, no girls to become friend, no warning to get addicted in new forms of addiction, I was detoured from my orbit. Frustration gives you the chalice of addiction, I strongly believe it. On other hand, the monotonous life had other problem to deal with together. The age, when all human beings start to feel about opposite gender, get affectionate with them, I was just a poor fisherman, who had an empty boat, while others had tons of fish. No girl was interested to me, on the contrary, I was interested to few ones. Maybe my negative attitude, dullness, introversion got them apart from me. Once I thought god must be crazy, he’s playing with my patience. I thought there would be a special one, waiting somewhere to show me that I am an eligible person to be loved. I felt few times, that I have found them. But no, natural as is, I got to believe that rejection is the primary right in heart-love transaction. I got used to it. After a serial of constant failure, I realized that love is not made for me. I had to let go my emotions. It was not easy neither pleasant. Now here is the next part of the play where I had to find a way to earn. A tough peak to climb up. And I successfully failed to climb as I was not equipped with enough quality stuffs. Academic failure became the one and only obstruction. The index of success seemed to be never positive again. Such continuous results affected the life circle. Withdraw all desired plan. It happens. Not with me only. Now it was a cold war between me and my mind. From a certain age, I started idolizing great famous personalities, fantasizing that I would be like them one day. No shame here. Everybody does so. I wished I would be a great midfielder, once a great versatile musician, an adventurous photographer, and a few things more. But I never realized that to fulfill your dream you have to chase it. I didn’t. I thought everything would happen naturally in its own way. All of them were day dreams. Not strong enough to match with my ability. From my teenage I used to think that I am something special, had uniqueness within me, which I wasn’t able to recognize. I was actually beyond my knowledge. If you don’t know yourself so well, what you are, who you are, what’s your ability and lacks, you would find yourself as a junk. But somehow I found something in me, something new that I never thought of. I accidentally took up writing. And I started to get appraisal from close ones. I started to believe that this is it. I am a writer, have the talent I never knew before. And this happiness caused to bring me in love again, and respectively a failure. This time mind didn’t approve such failure. So my peace of mind collapsed. I had to return to my own, known hood of frustration. This increasing depression taught me something, I wouldn’t forget in me life. All my regrets became to fade away. I was desperate to get a job. I understood that vision is cool, good for a person, but your idealism, virtue, philosophy and everything else is meaningless if you leave your stomach empty. Money is, was and will be the solution of all misery. I had no fear after this, because I knew, being a looser I got nothing to lose. It changed me completely, my attitude and behavior to other. They started to dislike my new persona for my behavioral change, which was actually positive as they used to advise me long ago. I was surprised with me also. I didn’t get any reason behind this sudden change. Each and every relationship seemed to be shattered gradually. And I had to set myself somewhere up. Heck with me. Life goes on. Life doesn’t care much about good and bad. It just runs in motion. Like a huge graph in pie chart. Like uncountable ups and downs to calculate. I appreciated all. But, fate is only thing you can’t leave behind. It grows up with you, walks with you, sleeps with you; makes love with you and die with you. When I look back in the past, I can see a few good things I did, as well as can see the darkest hours I spent. Who knew that I would write my autobiography at the age of thirty five? How many people get this chance? In spite of all, I’m very happy with my present life, relishing every moment without any responsibilities. And this is what I wanted, to live without any conflict. Clean and free as blue sky.” Bob took a deep breath. And called the nurse and said,” Hey Josh, tell Dr. Moses to come here. Tell him I’m finished. Go now.” After a while, Dr. Moses came to his cell, smiled at him and said, “So, at last you did it. I will send them to the publisher for sure. Now come with me, you have to take some therapy. Not the shocking shit. Ok?” Bob was surprised. He asked him,” Then what about my leave? You promised me. See I’m not sick now. You have to let me go. Please……. ” Dr. Moses smiled again and whispered, “I know, but your test results don’t say that. See you later Bob. Congrats.” Bob giggled and angrily said to himself, “Hmm. I know. Results won’t come positive. You won’t let that happen. I’m your guinea pig. You need therapy, you maniac…..go to hell…..” Dr. gave a smile like a pig and said, “So long…. Mr. Psycho-Bob……..”
Posted on: Tue, 10 Sep 2013 19:43:42 +0000
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