*06* Two weeks went by. I went to school and came back. The cutting became my regular hobbie.I was avoiding my bestie. I would be terrified each time I saw my father.He would regularly come and take one piece of my happiness away. Oh you thought he would do it once, sorry to disappoint he did it regularly. When people tell you to speak out, they dont understand how hard it is. You feel ashamed. I didnt like people around me. My heart ,well I nolonger had one. I was like a zombie. I was able to spend 3 days without food. Anything from a pen point to a scissor would trigger my habit. I would wear long sleeves just to hide my cuts. This became more like a drug to me. Do you know how painful it is when you have an absent mother and your dad rapes you. Mam miriam was able to put a temporary smile on my face atleast. At some point I thought about suicide. I felt weak, like no one would save me from this misery. I thought of how Ive ignored Tasha. I love my bestie but what if she found me disgusting. Life is hard. I never imagined my teen life turning out this way. Am so in pain tears no longer come out. But hey thats my life. It was a Saturday morning. I go to church on Saturday. So I woke up. And took a bath. I wore a maxi blue dress with blue wedges and a white jacket. Opened the sliding door of my bedroom balcony. I went to the balcony and thought, what would happen if I jumped and Ended my misery. Ill think about it. I went downstairs and had breakfast with the rest of the Family. Mom: wena Eleonoire why do you lock yourself in your room everyday? Dont you know that we are a united family here? * I kept quiet* Mom: am I not talking to you? *shouting* Me: please dont spoil my sabbath Mom: what? Dad: leave her alone Buhle: shes a spoilt brat anyway Me: but I dont bring boys and fvck them in my parents house *she choked* Dad: what are you talking about? Me: nothing Dad: Buhle? Buhle: its its nothing daddy Mom: I hope so Lungelo was just quiet the whole time, dont know whether he was scared Id rat him out. Not if he gave me an ultimatum to. We finished up and we were going out. Dad: Nomhle *my mom* go with Lungelo and Buhle and Ill go with Carol Mom: fine by me Me: no Ill go with mom Mom: and annoy me? not a chance Me: fine We got into different cars and mom left first. I noticed my dad didnt move the car. Me: and what are you still waiting for? Dad: were not going any where, today Ill enjoy you Me: not today please, I have to go to church.Please Dad: get out I got out, wait I should run. I ran away but I was wearing wedges so I didnt run that far my dad caught me. Dad: trying to be clever lets go to the house Ill show you. He pushed me back to the house. When we got there. He gave me a hot slap. Dad: you are clever neh. He started punching me. Kicked me in the stomach. I was beaten up for denying to be raped. After that he went out and left me there coughing blood. I tried standing up and everything went black. I woke up in my bed and Tasha sitting next to me. Me: *trying to sit up* ouch Tasha: relax Me: how did I get here? Tasha: well I came here looking for you trying to figure out and get answers why you have been ignoring me. Your gate was not locked and the door was opened. I Thought there was a burglar but I found you lying unconscious beaten up and carried you up here. Me: thank you Tasha: your mom again? Me: no no no no not her this time Tasha: then who Me: I Cant tell you Tasha: no secrets between us you know that Me: am sorry but I cant tell you that Tasha: its okay. She gave me a light hug since I was in pain. We talked about random stuff. Tashas girlfriends and how she plays em. Soon she Had to leave so I was left alone. After a few hours Lungelo just came in unannounced. Lungelo: wooow and the blue eye, what happened to you? Me: nothing Lungelo: you had an asthma attack and magically got beat up Me: asthma attack O.o Lungelo: uncle said he left you because you had an attack Me: he came to church Lungelo: yeah he did, mom. Wants to see you Me: tell her am coming He went out. Wow. So he went to church after beating me up. He still had. the guts. What kind of a monster is he? I swear my life seems fiction like a movie but truth is, its reality. I slowly got up and went downstairs my stomach was hurting. I went to the sitting room and there my parents Were. Mom: and then what happened to you? Me: nothing happened Mom: your boyfriend did this to you Me: noo Mom: magic? Me: mxm Mom: mind your language I will finish what someone started there Me: sorry Mom: go was dishes *aghh mama Miriam doesnt work on weekends* I went and washed the dishes. It took me long cause I was in pain. Finally I finished up and went to my room. I sat down, took a pen and a paper. Suicide Letter My family. I dont feel like I belong here. I belong in heaven with my father who wont hurt me. Am taking this decision based on current issues. I will take the secrets to my grave. My life is plain misery, why not end it.I love everyone thou you all hate me. God will take care of me.Am useless with no meaning. Take care. Lots of love. I took the letter and went to the roof top. I placed it safe on the last step. All my troubles will finally come to an end. I took a step and jumped.... :o Stay tuned to find out what happens next.....
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 20:20:47 +0000
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