0bama News Alert: Tea Party spies have again secretly recorded audio of President 0bama and his staff discussing Russian President Putin’s dominant media presence at the Sochi Winter Olympic games. Transcript is as follows: 0bama: Uh hey, did uh… you guys watch the Olympics last night? That Vladimir uh… Putin thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips. Evil Mentor Valarie Jarrett: No Mr. President I didn’t watch, I was well… I’m embarrassed to say but, I was having your face tattooed to my left cheek. 0bama: Um... what? I don’t see anything on your cheek. Jarrett: No sir, I mean my backside cheek. (Blushing and embarrassed) 0bama: Yer uh… kidding? Never mind. I wanted to ask you uh, um… people, what I can do to get some more press out of the Olympics. Putin is sucking up all the press. I’m supposed to suck. Suck the press. I mean I should be sucking the uh… press. Forget it. What I mean is how can insert myself into the Russian Olympics? Jay Carney: Like the way we inserted you into the biographies of former presidents on the White House website? 0bama: Uh… yes. (Michele 0bama walks into the room) Michele: Barry dear, I’m going to Paris this weekend with Spike Lee and Whoopi Goldberg for dinner and cocktails. I’m taking the good looking Secret Service guys with me. I’ll be back next month. Make sure the girls eat healthy, don’t forget to rub my mother’s bunions before her bedtime, keep your feet of the couch and sleep in your own damn bed. You know I can’t stand that smell of yours on my pillows. Bub-bye! 0bama: But uh.. what about… uh OK. Carney: Mr. President, you were asking about ways to insert yourself into the Olympics. We have been thinking on the same lines and have a few ideas already. We can have you place a friendly wager on the men’s ice hockey matchup between the US and Russia. 0bama: OK, I can bet him all of Alaska for all of Siberia. Call John Kerry and have him make the bet. Jarrett: Well sir, truly that would not be a good deal if you lost. How about something less risky like 100 pounds of Maine lobster against a case of Russian caviar? 0bama: Uh… what’s caviar? Carnery: Caviar is salt-cured fish-eggs. It is a delicacy. 0bama: People eat fish eggs? Really? And the word thinks I’m uh.. um… stupid? John C. Bieber satirically reporting.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Feb 2014 00:56:52 +0000