#1 Cannibalism 2 KINGS 6:29 says: So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son. Yup, thats cannibalsim. Or, worse-than-cannibalism if youre considering the fact that he ate his own kid. #2 Slavery is OK! Leviticus 25:44 says: Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. Yes, you read that right. Its A-OK to own slaves -- as long as theyre foreigners. #3 You Have To Commit Murder on Vacation In biblical times, your travel plans could involve mass murder. According to Deuteronomy 13:12-15, if you find that the people in the city youre visiting worship another god, you have to kill them all. And by all, the bible means everyone in the city. #4 Thou Shall Not Wear Ripped Jeans Ripped jeans have been in style for a while. Unfortunately for fashionistas, this particular trend comes with a first class ticket to hell. Leviticus 10:6 says: “Uncover not your heads, neither rend your clothes; lest ye die, and lest wrath come upon all the people.” #5 Cow Segregation Leviticus 19:19 says: You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle. You know all of that delicious crossbreeding that led to the Kobe steak we all love to eat? According to the Bible, its a sin. If youre a bible purist, its tough, stringy wild cattle or nothing at all. #6 The Death Penalty for Unruly Kids? Leviticus 20:9 says: Anyone who dishonors father or mother must be put to death. Such a person is guilty of a capital offense. Talk about a zero-tolerance policy for bad behavior. On the bright side, your kids will be much better behaved. On the not-so-bright side, a grocery store temper tantrum could result in a death sentence. #7 You Cant Say The Lords Name -- At All! Leviticus 24:16 says: Whoever utters the name of the Lord must be put to death. The whole community must stone him, whether alien or native. If he utters the name, he must be put to death. #9 A Ban on Pork Leviticus 11:7-8 reads: And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you. If were going strictly by the Bible, all of the internet is in serious trouble. But if youve gotta go anyway, getting smited while eating a pound of bacon isnt a bad way...
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 04:08:50 +0000
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