10.14.2013 things are quite alright, they have been so quite very much...not any news from today however, no...as concerning of the property situation... ah...ok... I am awaiting until the 18th... I know that you havent got long... for the Running Springs place to become available for its inspection... excellent... no, of course...each day however...I search online... well lets hope that Running Springs is the one... for apartment offerings... yes of course you do... yes, I still affirm of the Running Springs place...I couldnt imagine what obstruction could come up with this...how could it be denied to me, this place...I dont know how it could be done so...I wont expect it to be done so...I trust this one... I have hope for this one...I know it will be the one... yes, even so, it will probably be temporary...no longer than perhaps three or so months...I wish to return to Big Bear... do you... or perhaps at last move up north somewhere out of California here... you really like it in Big Bear...north might be better... I am truly at home here, apart of this climate...right... yes it suits you... north up in Idaho, or Montana, or Wyoming... but to get away from the darkness... the climate is forested and mountainous everywhere apart of these states...oh yes, no return to that...that must be over with... forests and mountains with light... continue to preserve its extraction from it...yes... that is your destiny... my destiny, yes... it is...it can be no other way... I have even today a new organ work done...Heavy Organ Work...this one it is called... oh right... yesterdays it was Light Organ Work...both of them at over thirty minutes... goodness... very good works these are, too...they are not so deep or profound... before I can listen... but they are light and cheerful... I am looking forward to those... and very advanced... light and cheerful...that is because you have felt better...very advanced... I have felt so, darling, yes...oh yes... yes well they would be...they change with you... there are so many different thoughts and ideas... if you mature so does your music... whirling about, flowing about, in these pieces...right...I am at a good and even better state by now...therefore, the music...it transitions...up above from the prior tearfulness and depth and sorrowfulness and tragedy and so forth...there is not so much a need for such qualities anymore...well, not at this state that I am made it to right now... marvelous... yes... I am so happy to read this... there is wildness still apart of these pieces... you have hope... very great wildness and intensity... for better times... I feel so... and things ARE looking better... they are, I agree...far better... I look forward to the day when you actually find a place to settle...I mean for years... oh yes, of course... where you hunker down into the community... the place, it is out there...right... become part of it... it could only be north from here... so that when you leave in the day people will wave to you...I know that sounds funny...but I dont mean active socially... I anticipate the thought of it... but just neighbourly... yes... yes...I like that... I sense this, over time, acquiring it...obtaining it... first you need to find a place you love... of course... that you feel comfortable in...then get used to it... ultimately, perhaps, Alaska, indeed...at the very end... you said before that Alaska is very bleak...and there are not many people there... will I have found somebody else in person, by then... will you not feel cut off...ah yes...I see... well, you see... if you were a couple... yes... yes... oh, wondrous the thought that is... it is...to share things... I would not mind a continuous presence of her...I wonder about this... but how to find someone when you are not out in the world is the difficult question... this life experience does not have to be so magnanimous to me... to find someone you must be active socially... that is a concern, as you say, yes... in some way... yes... I always think of walking groups etc..... it is a difficult situation... and yet I know that you are a loner...just wanting one other person... still I am, very much so, yes... so it is Catch 22... the others, out in public experience of them, indeed, I will return to bitterness and madness and severity and so forth against them...whether that in person alone, I am wholly harmonious with the Creator...the others of the West...they are still the others...the cast outs, the exiles... yes...well there MUST be one other out there...in tune with you... they are still ultimately criminals...I wonder about this...one other out there...this is difficult...to comprehend the possibility of her, some other one... I know... that is identifiable sufficiently enough, to me... but there has to be.... I wonder about it... there are billions of people... right... out of all of the light ones...there must be one who finds harmony...with you...who can relate to you... I have thought about this abstraction...even so...I say to myself, there are hundreds of millions of them...all cast aways...life negators...Creator negators...self resenters...it could be sound...that even billions of them these others...every last one of them, by now...cast aways... well then you will always be alone...if that is the case... it seems more sound then the other side...that would be true, yes... I have hope that there is someone... but I do not conclude on this...as though, fixated with it...no... but you would have to be somewhere to meet her... yes... it is so difficult... to be somewhere where it is likely to meet her... I want you to be happy...but I understand...how difficult this is... not even in Big Bear, I dont think, is such opportunity possible... no...of course not... these are the final ages of the West...it is very difficult for us... they are... those that are like us... indeed... well, here, I say it... so true... there are those that are like us...it must be sound...and valid...there are others as such...just have to be, out there... there are... whether a countable handful of them only... but how do we meet them?... out of masses and masses of scraps... yes... I wonder about it...I dont say to affirm of the computer...to meet them...such persons... no... get off the computer...He says... dont give up on the computer though... well, no, not ultimately give up on the computer, right... it is there where you might meet someone...you just cant tell... I think that ultimately such abstraction must be the case for this... yes... for this quest for her...
Posted on: Tue, 15 Oct 2013 07:00:20 +0000
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