18 January 2014 It was around three years ago since I first met you, and almost three years since we broke up. I was hoping for forever, but just like what White Rabbit told Alice, sometimes (forever is) just one second. In our case it was roughly two months. It was over before it even began. You were in love with your best friend at the time you were supposed to be falling in love with me. I had always wondered why you wanted to keep our relationship a secret. I later found out that you didnt want him to know because you didnt want him to get hurt. We started as friends, became close, and I started feeling something for you. I didnt want to ruin our friendship so I did not do anything about it. As we became comfortable with each other, you let me see glimpses of the person youre hiding behind those well-guarded walls. You have always been so guarded, so mysterious, but I wanted to see more. I didnt have a wrecking ball, but I had patience and eventually you opened yourself up to me. We got to know each other on a more personal level. I had already fallen for you, but I didnt do anything about it until you asked me if I wanted to be your boyfriend. I said yes even though the catch was that you wanted it to be kept secret. It was one of the happiest and scariest days of my life. Our secret relationship had been far from perfect. You were hard to communicate with, and we dont see eye to eye on a lot of things. I tried my best to understand you because you were barely legal, and I was 4 years your senior, and it helped avoid a lot of petty fights, just like the time you never bothered to send me an SMS the whole day because you hung out with your friends after class and went straight to a party til late at night, and the time that we were supposed to talk but you wanted to watch Mara Clara. You started getting cold towards me. You were always making excuses about being tired all the time, to the point that our alone time was scheduled between your im-getting-sleepy and my-eyes-are-falling-asleep time. Then there were the unaccounted for time lapses where i suspected that you were talking with someone else. You were calling me paranoid and making excuses, until I caught you red-handed and confronted you and the other guy about it. I threatened to break it off with you, but immediately took it back and said sorry because you got really hurt about what i said. You opened up to me about the guy you were communicating with and told me that there was nothing going on between the two of you. I tried to believe you, and fix our relationship, but it didnt really work and eventually we broke up without even seeing each other. You admitted your wrongdoings to me and told me that when I threatened to break up with you, you felt that it was already over for you, and our relationship went downhill from there. You wanted me to think that it was all my fault. You also told me that you wanted to think about things, and do some soul-searching. I was so hurt and got really frustrated about everything. Nobody knew about our relationship so I didnt know who to talk to. In my anger, I told our friends about our relationship that you wanted to keep secret. You got angry, just as I wanted you to. I really hated you for making me fall for you, and asking me to be your boyfriend just to give up so easily on us. You were always saying bad things about my friends and didnt want me to join them every time they invite me, but the first thing that you do after we broke up was befriend them, and even meet with them, bringing along the guy you were talking to behind my back. Then you said sorry to your best friend because he found out about us. You also told him that you love him using the Facebook account that we made together. Two weeks later, I was still hurting, and bitter. Some of my friends tried to ask me about what happened and i told them. You found out about it and confronted me, asking me why I havent moved on yet when it was already so long ago. Less than two months later and zero soul-searching, you already had a new boyfriend. I tried to move on. Eventually the pain stopped, and after a few months I got to meet someone who became my boyfriend after you. We lasted for more than a year, but it didnt really work out. We decided to break up properly, and just become friends. Between then and now, I tried going out with a few guys on dinner and movie dates but I felt nothing. No spark, no connection, no nothing. I stopped dating. Some guys wanted to court me, but I turned them down because I really dont feel anything. I was feeling really numb, until last night when I met you again after all those years. I noticed that youve matured physically. You noticed me, and you smiled. I thought Ive moved on, but then all the good times that we had came rushing into my mind. I remembered how you would wait for me at the mall, and upon seeing me, you wouldnt be able to help but smile. I remembered how we first kissed, and slept together when you brought me to your home town. I remembered sitting beside you inside the bus on our way back to Manila, and how you asked me to be your boyfriend. I remembered all of our Skype video chats and how you would always try to look cute in front of the camera and how I would save your screenshots. I remembered being happy with you. Then I remembered that you hurt me and we already broke up. Our friends started to tease us about being ex-boyfriends. They told you to sit beside me and you did. I smiled at you and tried to ask about how you are now. You replied. I asked another question, you answered and we shook hands. One of our friends asked you to sit beside him and you did. I tried to act normal for the rest of the night. It has been three years since I first met you and fell in love with you. I didnt think Id see you again but I did. If youre reading this, youd probably think that Im still in love with you. While I admit that Im still attracted to you and that Im affected by your presence, what Im really feeling right now is different. Yes, you captured my heart, and after we broke up, I havent felt for anyone what I did when I fell in love with you. However, upon seeing you again, I feel like my heart has finally released from your hold. I feel like all those years of feeling numb and emotionless have come to an end. I feel like my heart has just started to beat again- but this time for myself. It was really nice seeing you again. Thank you for giving me back my heart. Sirang Relo 2008 Mass Communication
Posted on: Thu, 23 Jan 2014 09:44:02 +0000
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