2014 has been such a weird year... Emotionally I think it has been the hardest of my 26. I feel as though Ive really grown up so much this year. My whole outlook on life is changed completely from one year ago going into 2014. Ive never felt such extremes with my emotions until this year. Really low lows and really high highs. Ive always sort of ignored my emotions and tried to make sense of them through analyzing and logic. Ive realized that all my previous years and behaviors have paved the path for what was to come this year. Ive spent so much time alone throughout my life but never really took the time to get to know myself. I have chosen to title the chapter of 2014 as my year of reflection and awareness. The events and emotions have forced me to really get to know myself. They have broken me down into my smallest truest form, uncovered the dustiest corners of my mind, and set me free from the anchors that have been weighing me down. I may not know exactly what I want for the year to come but I definitely know what I dont want. Ive spent so much time the last few months just reflecting and putting pieces of the puzzle together. Im learning to make peace with my regrets and mistakes so hopefully they will haunt me less in the years to come. People that I talk to think Im crazy but I feel like I have learned something, or know, or am more aware of something, some meaning or some haunting of sorts i guess about life that most people dont come to know until later in their lives. Or maybe everyone feels it they just hide it better... Or maybe I really am just crazy. This year brought that awareness to me, for whatever reason. This year has made me question EVERYTHING, literally everything in my life and about life in general. I feel like I need answers, some of which are questions Im not sure can ever be answered. But I will never stop looking. Ive gotten pretty good at trusting my intuition, something Ive never really paid much attention to before this year. And Ive never really believed in the law of attraction but I definitely do after 2014, too many odd coincidences that I have thought over and over inside my head have actually happened for me to believe anything else. Going into 2015 my focus is going to be change, growth, and evolution. Im going to continue learning about myself and hopefully find whatever it is that is pulling me in all these directions. There is something more out there for me, I can feel it. Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know. I heard that quote sometime ago and it has always stuck with me. Aside from that I get these crazy spells every few months or so.. And by crazy spells I mean I get these feelings of running away and starting completely over, giving up everything I know, risking it all for something I may never find, or for something that might not even exist at all. It literally consumes me and thats all I can think about during those periods.. As I ignore it, it begins to fade little by little until it appears to completely disappear. And then out of nowhere a few months down the line there it is again, that overwhelming, consuming feeling. It keeps coming back to me because its trying to tell me something or help me get to some place I am supposed to be. Im going to find it. Bring on the New Year! Im ready. This is the year this caterpillar becomes a butterfly. 💚✌️🌙🔮
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 20:58:18 +0000
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