2nd last, were nearing the end now. So Ive ran out of SCP object articles so we have this, Experiment Log 447 A! Quite funny especially from the comments given. Experiment Log for SCP-447-2 Approved by O5-█ Monitored by O5-█, O5-██, O5-█ Project Head: Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: SCP-882 Procedure: SCP-447-2 was refined into a lubricant. SCP-882 was temporarily removed from its seawater bath and SCP-447-2 applied as a lubricant to all joints and connections. Results: Although SCP-447-2 was successful in reducing grinding and noise by 50%, it was also successful in removing rust from the structure. SCP-882 was immediately returned to its seawater bath, and staff on-hand were placed in quarantine for examination. Notes: Lets not try that again, shall we? - Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) guinea pig, purchased from pet shop. Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes. Care was taken to keep the subjects head above the level of the fluid, to prevent the death of the test subject. Results: Subjects fur became saturated with the fluid. Test Item required several hours of grooming to remove SCP-447-2 from its fur. No further deleterious effects reported. Notes: After careful washing to remove all traces of SCP-447-2 from its fur, subject was subsequently consumed by Agent ███████, who is of Peruvian descent. Agent ███████ reported that the meat was, in his own words, the best cuye Ive ever had. Approval for testing of SCP-447-2 as a marinade is currently on hold pending review of whether or not a steak constitutes a dead body. Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) tablet SCP-500 Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes. Results: In addition to curing all diseases, subject now also leaves the patients breath feeling minty fresh. Notes: About what was expected. Seriously, guys, what were you thinking would happen? Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: SCP-076-2 Procedure: 500ml of SCP-447-2 was added to 500ml distilled vodka (███████) and two dozen ice cubes, shaken well, and strained into a pitcher. Approximately 0.2 liters of the mixture were poured into a glass with mint and a lime garnish. Mixture was taken to SCP-076-2, who was told, Hey, Able, try this, its pretty good. Results: SCP-076-2 agreed that the mixture was, in his words, refreshing, but immediately lost interest when told of SCP-447-2s interaction with dead bodies. Notes: Because of SCP-076-2s tendency to become and/or create dead bodies, further contact with SCP-447 is forbidden. Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) Pentium 4 computer: 1.5 ghz, with [DATA EXPUNGED] Procedure: Subject was immersed in SCP-447-2 for five (5) minutes, with the power cord unplugged. Results: Subject became caked in goo and no longer functions. Notes: Whoever came up with this one should be kicked in the head. - Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: SCP-063 Procedure: Dr. ███ used SCP-447 instead of toothpaste to brush his teeth with SCP-063 Results: Given that Dr. ████ doesnt need to use toothpaste to begin with, not much, really. Notes: What is WITH you people? - Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) dead body Notes: Test was aborted. The scientist who made the proposal has been reassigned as Class D Personnel. Notes (2): Seriously, guys, how hard is it to understand? No. Dead. Bodies. None. Nada. Nein! Dont think about it, dont joke about it, and most certainly, dont DO it. Sheesh! - Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: Dr. A. Clef Procedure: Dr. A. Clef was ambushed in the hallway, dragged into a room with a bathtub full of SCP-447-2, and immersed for approximately 25 seconds. Results: Subject became irate, and threatened to kill staff members carrying out the experiment if it were not for the fact that doing so would violate experimental protocol. Notes: As soon as this mess is cleaned up you will all be missed. - Dr. A. Clef Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: Potassium Nitrate/Sugar mix Procedure: A spoonful of SCP-447 was added to the mix of Potassium Nitrate and Sugar, in order to create a makeshift smoke grenade. Results: Not only did the new mix slow down the combustion in such a way that the generated smoke was ten times greater and lasted approximately 5 minutes longer than the original mix, but it also colored the smoke with a green tint and left it with a minty smell. Notes: Not bad for a three-dollar smoke grenade. Although this wouldnt work so well in the field, the odds of the smoke reaching a dead body are just too high. Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: Prof. Snider Procedure: Two drops (1 microlitre each) of SCP-447, one in each of Prof. Sniders eyes (note that Prof. Snider has an astigmatism and normally wears corrective eyewear). Results: Vision was clear and focused for six hours, though Prof. Snider reported to now see everything in a green tint. Subjects eyesight soon returned to normal, though both eyes are now a much more brilliant green than before. Notes: Oh well. I look better with my glasses anyway. -Prof. Snider Notes (2): This might be marketable as vision-correction, but people might notice the extra green. Regardless, Id like to request a couple of litres of this stuff for personal use. - Agent Marr Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: 8 ounce (236 mL) glass of skim milk Procedure: Two (2) teaspoons (10 mL) of SCP-447 thoroughly stirred into milk. Results: Milk turned a bright green in color and was slightly thicker, with a slight minty flavor. Chemical analysis later indicated that the concoction was now lactose-free. Notes: You know, we might be able to market this stuff. Im pretty sure dead bodies dont drink milk. -Prof. Snider Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: 15 lbs. (6.8 kg) quick-dry cement Procedure: Cement powder and 5 gallons (19 liters) of SCP-447 rotated inside a standard miniature cement mixer. Results: Mixture took on a green tinge and solidified to a hardness 50% greater than normal concrete, though it took twice as long to dry. Notes: It seems promising, but its time-consuming to make and the risks of a dead body falling on a slab of this stuff is too high. -Prof. Snider Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: Two (2) cups of water (475 mL) Procedure: One (1) tablespoon (15 mL) of SCP-447-2 thoroughly stirred into water. Results: Water turned a green tint but is otherwise normal. Contaminants reduced by 78% Notes: This would make a good chlorine substitute for swimming pools; all the cleanliness of chlorinated water without the bleachy smell or hair discoloration. Too bad some swimmers are careless and turn into dead bodies.—Dr. Ray A██████ Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: one (1) pizza produced by SCP-458 Procedure: One (1) small sauce cup of SCP-447-2 is held in one hand by Agent Palhinuk, while the other holds SCP-458. Results: No outward change in the composition of SCP-447-2 is evident. SCP-458 produced a hamburger pizza on a cheese-stuffed crust. After dipping a slice in SCP-447-2 and ingesting, Agent Palhinuk noted the taste of the substance was like a creamy Italian dressing. Following his consumption of the pizza, Agent Palhinuks breath was said to be minty fresh. He then proceeded to hoard the pizza box to himself for a few hours. Notes: Though this brings up new indication into the nature of SCP-458, nothing remarkable has come to attention from this, other than Pals tendency to overeat. Slight psychological therapy may be in order. - Dr. del Morrino Id suggest we market this stuff as a dressing, but people eating lots of pizza on a regular basis tend to become dead bodies, so… - Agent Palhinuk Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: one ██████ brand cellular phone Procedure: ██████ phone is placed in one (1) small plastic container holding one (1) liter of SCP-447-2 and left to sit for five (5) minutes with power off and battery disconnected. Results: ██████ phone is ruined and subsequently destroyed in a nearby furnace. The ashes and fumes from the burning ██████ phone were reported to be green and minty in scent. Notes: Hey, has anyone seen my phone? - Agent Palhinuk Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) Trojan condom Procedure: Dr. A██████ placed the condom on his [DATA EXPUNGED] and applied SCP-447-2 onto it. He then tested the SCP-447-2-covered condom by [DATA EXPUNGED] Results: [DATA EXPUNGED]. Dr. A██████ reports that the procedure went really well. Notes: I could market this as that kind of lubricant, but I dont think a warning label is enough to ensure that some necrophiliac doesnt use it on a dead body.—Dr. A██████ Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: Three (3) cars: one (1) 2006 Honda Civic, one (1) 06 Dodge Stratus, one (1) 06 Chevy Malibu Procedure: SCP-447 was used as liquids in each vehicle-mixed equally with oil, used as window washer fluid, and mixed into the radiator. Results: Each car had each liquid added individually. The various components of each engine performed with superb results: -The Hondas radiator did not overheat until temperatures reached in excess of 340o Celsius, more than twice the average temperature of a vehicle. The water seemed to be tinted green even after being drained. -The Stratuss windshield was cleaned to factory-new perfection, and resisted dirt and grime after use; Side effect described as green-tinted glass. -The Malibus engine components were lubricated to perfection and lasted over 160,000 miles on a dynamometer; exhaust was tinted green. Notes: Impressive, but given the intelligence of some drivers the chance of dead bodies contaminating the sample is too high. -Dr. Ax██████ Date: ██/██/████ Test Subject: One (1) roll of ██████ brand Duct Tape Procedure: SCP-447 was applied to the adhesive side of a strip of Duct Tape, which was subsequently attached to a cement brick. Results: Tape had bonded to the cement with twice the strength expected of a normal strip. Cement brick was left with a green stain in the shape of the strip of tape. Notes: This could be marketable, but with all the possible uses for Duct Tape comes the even greater risk of coming into contact with dead bodies. -Dr. Slav [DATA EXPUNGED]
Posted on: Thu, 31 Oct 2013 15:31:10 +0000
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