5 am! I woke up feeling as if i have put my well being and spiritual growth as priority 7, again. It is so hard for me to do things that is good for me and my soul. As the active addict I was before somethings are still hard to change. The feeling of being a misfit (in the bad sence) is so strong in the mornings. I know it is not so but going through what i have done, i do not think it is strange when i have these thoughts. But if the thoughts would take over i would be in deep shit, seriously! But i can not help myself to think about the parallels to George Orwells 1984. Where residents are under constant surveillance by the government, and with mind control by the public. And beware of having your own thoughts and double beware from expressing them and triple beware for being TrasH*. :) It is starting to feel better now since i have been drinking some coffee and smoked a fag or two. I will walk for 6mi 376.13yd (exactly 10 kilometres hehehe) this morning cos i really really want to change and become a little better physically in a year or so. BUT the fault i mostly do is thinking about what i will feel like in a year - i rather should concentrate of how i will feel mentally after these 2 hrs walk, not the chafings or muscular pains i surely will gain this time too or what might happen in a years time. I have a mate at work, Mia, she introdused me to this FUNBEAT application, that i use when Walking, i made her sign up on their website so now she have access to when and what i am doing during the week, so in a sence is she my big brother controlling how i am doing. If I should start to not walk the worst thing she can do is throw leeks at me... Well it took me one hour and 2 minutes to write this, I am not particularly fast writing English in the morning. Thank God for Google translation. Have a real nice sunday morning and i will be back when I have catched my breath in a couple of hours or three! In my heart you are!!!!!!
Posted on: Sun, 25 May 2014 04:28:42 +0000
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