50 things Ichigo is not allowed to do in Soul Society 1. I will not jump out at Byakuya and say “boo!” while wearing my hollow mask. 2. I will not use my hollow mask to help the WSRA get the coveted “wide-eyed Kuchiki Byakuya” photo. 3. I will not fight the newly powered-up Kenpachi within the bounds of Soul Society. 4. I will not insist that I be allowed to sleep in Rukia’s closet because “fair’s fair.” 5. I will do my best not to lose my powers before the final battle. 6. Or have any more crippling identity crises. 7. Or get trapped in any spheres. 8. I will not ask Soi Fon how many times she’s seen Yoruichi naked. 9. I will not tell Soi Fon how many times I’ve seen Yoruichi naked. 10. I will not call Grimmjow back. 11. If I do call him back, I will not tell him that he’s welcome to “come over.” 12. I will not share with Kurotsuchi my list of “ways he and Urahara are similar.” 13. I will not refer to Kurotsuchi as “Urahara 2.0.” 14. I will not insist that my new dual swords make me the natural choice for captain of Squad 8. 15. I will not try to create any explosives just because it is my “Shiba birthright.” 16. I will not attempt to start a “beaten by Kurosaki Ichigo” club for members of the Gotei-13. 17. I will not make “beaten by Kurosaki Ichigo” T-shirts. 18. And I will not, under any circumstances, send one of the prototype T-shirts to Byakuya. 19. If I discover that any of my friends have joined the Quincy, I will not leave Soul Society undefended by going to rescue them. 20. No matter how many powers I acquire, I will not refer to myself as ‘The Avatar.’ 21. I will not challenge the Soul King to a duel “just because it feels inevitable.” 22. I will not tell the Soul King that he has creepy eyes. 23. I will not ask the Soul King if he can play the sax. 24. I will not challenge Kyoraku to a “dual sword fight.” 25. I will not challenge Hisagi to a “dual sword fight.” 26. I will not tell Ukitake that I intend to avenge my cousin. That would be mean. 27. I will not switch back to wearing sleeves. 28. I will not offer Ikkaku a “do-over” now that I know he has a bankai. 29. I will master my new powers before I engage with the enemy. 30. Actually no. I probably won’t. 31. I will not send Aizen a postcard from the Royal Realm. 32. The postcard will not say, “Getting here? Not that hard.” 33. I will not muss up Byakya’s hair. 32. I won’t ask if I’m allowed to wear kenseikan now, since I’m a noble too. 33. I won’t ask Komamura whether he can turn into a naked human, too. 34. I don’t get to refer to myself as ‘Kenpachi,’ just because I beat Zaraki that one time. 35. I will not ask the head captain to write a letter to my school, explaining my absences. 36. I will not use “a soul reaper ate it” as an excuse for not turning in the last month’s worth of homework. 37. I will not ask Toshiro to do my homework for me. 38. I will not unquestioningly do anything Urahara tells me to do. 39. I will not refer to Shinji as “hollow senpai.” 40. I will not tell Mizuho where Ikkaku is. 41. I will not ask Shutara how far Renji’s tattoos go down. 42. I will not tell Byakuya that I saw Rukia’s butt. 43. I will not tell Rukia that I saw Byakuya being flung naked through the air. 44. I will not tell Renji that Sentoki called him a “turnip.” 45. The whole hot springs experience should never be spoken of. 46. No matter how many times I save Soul Society, I probably shouldn’t ask that they “name it after me.” 47. No matter what Urahara told me, Kyoraku’s hat is not alive and I should not ask it to be my friend. 48. During the final battle, I will try not to get taken over by my inner hollow and start stabbing my friends. 49. Meeting Ginjo in the afterlife will only be awkward if I let it be awkward. 50. No matter what I learned from my father, I will not try to pick Toshiro up.
Posted on: Thu, 28 Nov 2013 02:49:50 +0000
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