8/27/12 Weed eating. I have two things going for me. I am 68 years old and I live on a hill. In fact everything on this hill is about a forty-five degree angle. The house, the trees, the grass, even our dog Savanna who lives outside in a dog house has two legs on one side shorter that the other two from walking on the hill. I cut the grass a couple days ago and decided now was time to do the weed eating. I’m one of these people who is tighter than an Irishman (I should know, my wife is Irish) so I don’t want to pay to have my grass cut and weed eated. I decided today was the day to bite the bullet. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned a few tricks. First I went inside and got me a Miller Lite out of the fridge. Went back out onto the back deck, cut on the fan, sat in the lounge chair and started sipping my beer. After drinking my Miller Lite, I decided to do the easy part first. I decided to weed eat around the back deck and house. The easy stuff. After I got that done, I decided it was time for my second Miller Lite. I knew what was ahead so I had to get a little courage in me to tackle the next phase of my weed eating operation. In the front of the house on the upper side of the driveway is an 80 ft. ditch. On the lower side of the driveway is about a 60 ft ditch. After my 2nd beer, I refilled my Huskavaria weed eater and decided to tackle the 80 ft ditch. Now this ditch is on a hill. Cars topping the hill cannot see you. I have idiots in my neighborhood. Lot of them can’t read apparently because they don’t know what 35 mph is. So I’m in the front ditch weed eating, cars are topping the hill, in fact they are almost leaving the ground, zooming past me, maybe 2 or 3 feet from me, and yet I am elated because the air from those cars is cooling me off. Keep in mind when I started it was 87 degrees outside. So they are zooming past me and I’m working my way down the ditch towards the driveway. When I reached the drive I decided it was time for another Miller Lite. This time I think maybe I’ll call Cheryl, my wife, and talk to her for a few mins. So I give her a ring, she answers and I said “Sweet Pea, you ought to increase my life insurance a couple hundred thousand because this weed eating might be the death of me” Well she snaps back “I can’t talk now, I’m riding a horse, bye” So now I’m thinking, damn, riding that horse is more important than jacking up my life insurance, just in case? So I go back and get my third beer. Then I go down and tackle the lower ditch. In the mean time, the guy across the street, who looks like he’s in his mid twenties takes one look, goes in the house and slams the door. Apparently he doesn’t want to see an old fart with a Huskavaria weed eater standing on a 45 degree bank getting ready to croak. But my good luck holds out and I finish the ditch. Final word of advice. Drinking and weed eating is like drinking and driving, don’t do it. You feel empowered. Shrubbery, flowers, small trees, anything that gets in your way is fair game. I think my wife just may increase that life insurance policy, and then BAM, shit happens, says Forest Gump.
Posted on: Wed, 28 Aug 2013 00:37:31 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015