8 THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU (LADIES) ABOUT MARRIAGES 4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together. Lets say - for instance - you are an ITK (I Too know) - and its really not your intention to be hurtful or brash with people you love. Lets also assume that a lifetime of experience has taught you that in most areas, at most times, you are right about most things. What would come as a shock to you several years into your marriage - would be the realization that... the more right you are, the more discontented you and your husband would be as a couple Oddly enough, you may have a husband that - just like most men - he may be under the misguided impression that hes right most of the time - Youll argue often. That is, until youll learn a few things namely- when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong - there is simply your way of seeing things and your husbands way and - that will teach you patience and the value of compromise. The more you get to know and appreciate your husband for who he is, the more you respect his positions. That doesnt mean you always agree with him. But you would see the value in striking a balance that satisfies you both. And instead of harping on how wrong he is, you can usually swallow the criticisms and simply say something like, I see your point or I hadnt thought of it that way. After you sincerely acknowledge his view, itll seem to become easier for him to hear yours. And because you know youre being heard, most of the time, you wont even want to prove how right you are anymore. Funny how that works, isnt it?...smiles... 5. A great marriage doesnt mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right. Even women of great wisdom have conflicts in their marriages, youll discover - as important as it is to strike a balance, its also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then...lolzzz. Because when you fight, you dont just raise your voices; you raise genuine - sometimes buried - issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. You shouldnt give up your fights for anything in the world, because - in the end - they wont break you; theyll only make you stronger - just do it reasonably, dont do it in front of the kids (and third parties) and remember - too much of everything is bad. 6. Youll realize that you can only change yourself. There is a bit of a make-over fantasy in all of us - something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him/her just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction - we take on this huge responsibility, convinced were doing the right thing. Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man - stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies - is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if youre lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him. Naggin coz - for instance - your hubby always forgets to drop the toilet seat will get you nowhere but make him resentful. Instead, appreciate every other thing he does - and look upon that annoying habit of his like the very last thing that humanizes him. I - as a man - am already wondering how my wife-to-be would cope with my age-old habit of taking meat from the pot...hmmm...she no go get choice o...lolzzz 7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what youre really made of. Most ladies have got issues - trust issues...control issues and others that theyre yet to fully discover. But in more than a decade of marriage, youll be smacked upside the head with the cold, hard evidence of all these issues. Lets say for instance - you have trust issues...always suspecting every little thing your hubby does....after years of looking deeply into your soul and talking to good friends...the best friends and counsellors, youll come to recognize certain things about yourself - not to get all analytical about little things, but youll have to examine your history - you probably may have suffered lots of hurt or you may have been brought up by emotionally distant parents - and face up to all the ways - both good and bad - that those relationships have affected how you approach your marriage. You might struggle as a work in progress. But youll be completely clear in the knowledge that many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. If you let this happen, this bumpy journey toward self-awareness can be one of the more fulfilling rewards of a committed, long-term relationship- youll learn to love your strangeness and be compassionate toward yourself, just as youre learning to do with him. This is gettin too long people, should I drop the last one?
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 14:05:42 +0000
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