9JA PEOPLE, MAKE ONA SEE ME SEE THESE OYIBO PEOPLE AND SEE ME WAHALA OOOOOOOH. I FEAR OOOOOH!!!!! Sorry. For our liberal and conservative readers, this isn’t an interview with Rush Limbaugh or Michael Moore. And for our apolitical hockey fans, you won’t be hearing from Miroslav Satan (pronounced Shah-tan), either. Nope. DailyMan40 caught up with the actual Devil, himself, for an exclusive fireside chat. DailyMan40: What brings you to town? Satan: The Prius. Gas prices are out of control. DailyMan40: That’s a nice Cashmere sweater you’re wearing, but why? Satan: I’m chilly. DailyMan40: It’s 85 degrees. Satan: Exactly. DailyMan40: How’d you get into the evil business? Satan: An accident. I was barbecuing too long. When I went inside holding the big fork, I glimpsed myself sunburned in the mirror. I said: “What the hell?” I was looking for a new gig, anyway. DailyMan40: Are you working on any interesting calamities? Satan: Yes, but they are strictly hush-hush. Studies show people are more likely to sell their souls when they don’t have time to think. And enrollment has been down. DailyMan40: Because we are evolving toward a heavenly kingdom? Satan: No, because I’ve got less incentives to offer. The economic meltdown hurt me badly. Guess I didn’t think that one through well enough. DailyMan40: Are there any other disasters you planned that didn’t work out? Satan: Of course. It’s a numbers game. Plus, I have the Big Man upstairs who’s always trying to mess me up. DailyMan40: What was your biggest disappointment in that regard? Satan: The Cuban Missile Crisis. A total flop. Damn Kennedys. DailyMan40: You got even with both of them, though. Satan: Truth be told it wasn’t me. The Rolling Stones are a frickin’ rock band, not my official biographers. The PR was great though, and still pays dividends. DailyMan40: In your new book The Devil Mystique you boast that you’ve bedded more women than Wilt Chamberlain. What attracts them to you? Satan: I’d have to say it’s the whole “bad boy” thing. That, and the fact that I’m great at creating problems that the ladies want to discuss which creates the intimacy they crave. DailyMan40: What’s your favorite eternal punishment? Satan: That’s a tough choice. I sort of like the one where I bury people up to their necks in cow manure and make them sip a cup of coffee three times a day. DailyMan40: That doesn’t seem so bad when one considers alternatives. Satan: No? Ask them how they feel about it when coffee break is over and they have to resume standing on their heads. DailyMan40: What’s the one thing you want people to know about you. Satan: Sans tail and horns,when I’m not working I’m a regular Joe. DailyMan40: How will we know the world is coming to an end? Satan: When you hear the announcer say: “The Cubs are World Series champs.” DailyMan40: Thanks for your time. Satan: No problem. Now if you”ll just sign our agreement where indicated….
Posted on: Thu, 06 Jun 2013 23:39:35 +0000
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