A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS · 372.01 Any person with a valid Texas state rodent or armadillo hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes. · 372.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted.The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited. · 372.03 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash. · 372.04 It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft. · 372.05 It is unlawful to shout Whiplash, Ambulance, or Free Scotch for the purpose of trapping attorneys. · 372.06 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of BMW, Porsche, or Mercedes dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons. · 372.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs or hospitals. · 372.08 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess same. · 372.09 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. · 372.10 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin. · 372.11 Bag Limits Per Day 1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder - 2 2. Two-faced Tort Feasor - 1 3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator - 4 4. Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only) - 1 5. Big-mouthed Pub Gut - 2 6. Honest Attorney - EXTINCT 7. Cut-throat - 2 8. Back-stabbing Whiner - 2 9. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser - 2 10. Silver-tongued Drug Defender - $100 ****DISCLAIMER: Im not saying that this bill has been currently proposed for the Texas Legislature in 2015 or is a GOOD idea - Im just saying that there may still be an honest attorney out there (like the ivory-billed woodpecker, considered extinct for fifty plus years until spotted by a kayaker in the southern U.S. in 2004...but I digress).
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 23:21:01 +0000
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