A drover whod spent his whole life in Cape York came to the city. Hed never seen a train or the tracks they run on. So he was walking along the tracks, studying the rails & the sleepers, when he heard a whistle -- wooooooo ! - but had no idea what it was. Inevitably he was hit by a giant steam engine but, miraculously, suffered just a glancing blow. He was thrown to the side of the tracks and suffered some minor internal injuries and a few broken bones. After a few weeks in the hospital recuperating, he wandered down the hall to where some nurses were boiling a kettle for a cup of tea. Taking his aluminium walking stick, he battered and bashed the kettle into an unrecognisable lump of metal. The nurses were aghast. Why did you ruin our kettle ? And the drover replied, Youve gotta deal with these things while theyre still small. Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabels ear and she said, Mabel, did you know youve got a suppository in your left ear ? Mabel answered, I have ? A suppository ? She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, Ethel, Im glad you saw that, now I know where my hearing aid is !! Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old doing that sort of thing was surely asking for trouble.. Oh no my dear, replied granny. Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out that to continue to show our love to each other, the best thing to do was to time it for when the church bells would start to ring. Nothing too strenuous, nice and slow. Just right. She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, and if that darned ice cream truck hadnt come along, hed still be alive today. A man books into a dodgy looking hotel. The booking clerk says, do you have a good memory for faces ? The man says, I dont know, why ? Theres no mirror in the bath room After a while the man goes back down to the front desk. Theres a heap of bugs jumping off the wall and onto my bed. The clerk says, Well pull your bed away from the wall. The man says, I did, and they pulled it back. Doctor, I cant stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home. That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome. Is it common ? Its not unusual. Two Mexican cops are investigating a murder. Carlos turns to his partner and asks, So what do you think ? to which his partner replies, I think hes been shot by a golf gun. Ive never heard of a golf gun before, said Carlos. His partner replies, Well, it sure made a hole in Juan, :)
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 12:51:25 +0000
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