A long post awaits you, so forgive me. But im feeling wordy right now. The days left in this year are coming to an end. And its still amazing to me, just how quickly time flies. I have made some wonderful memories for this year, as well as some horrible mistakes. The thing about this year, that I think I will carry with me to the next, is the strength Ive finally gained. I came from the quiet, introverted, scared to death girl who was afraid of her own opinion, much less voicing it out to people. My opinions stuck at the back my mind, while I swallowed that bitter pill of fear wishing to god I could say anything. And usually afterwards I would sit down, swallowed up by shame and regret, thinking that if only I could have.... But this year has helped me gain more strength. Im a better person than that shy quiet girl in High School. No longer do I let the taunts, and acidic words of my enemies roll around in my brain. Theyve been swept away with the rest of the trash I let lurk in my mind for far too long. Ive realized that the future I want, is right there for me to take and have. But its not going come gift wrapped, with my name on it. I have to earn it. I have to better myself, instead complaining about what I dont have. I gained strength against those whom I let walk all over me. In the past, whether you were friend or foe, Id allow you to say anything to me. Fearful that if I said any word, itd mean youd leave me and Id have no one. Now I realize its better to have no one, than a bunch of ones who make you feel alone anyways. But luckily, I have several good people in my life. Ones who stuck by my side, and have helped me more than they will ever know. I may not have a ton of friends, but I never was the social butterfly. Instead I have the best adopted heart family ever. Each and every one of them owning a piece of my heart, and a part in my life as my chosen family forever. This years trials put me through so much. A cancer scare. Discovering a chronic illness. Having my health yo yo up and down like a bad Oprah diet. Being told what I had would last for the rest of my life, pain included. And dealing with how I seem to change in others eyes. Ive lost some and gained some this year. But when you become sick, I discover that you find those whom are true and solid. They stay there regardless of what you own, and what you can give. They support you without judging you. And they look at you, not as what you can give them, but as what you are when you are with them. I thank each and everyone of you whom has been there through this journey with me. Because it means more than you know. I am far from perfect, and honestly never want to be. But being able to say I have some people who love me even when im broken, means the world to me. Especially because Im one those miserable sick fools who wants to crawl in her bed, and be left to die (dramatic I know, but arent we all when we are sick lol?). But you awesome people still hung around with patience and love. My financial struggles have also been unreal this year. But a big thanks to my kind friends, family, and loved ones, whom have helped us. I am getting back on my feet though, with a solid determination that me and Doug are going have a great financial future together. I have so many plans for our future. And I dont want to depend on others. I will return the favor to each of you someday though, for the kindness you gave. This year, we already ending on a good note, that the bills are pretty much sorted for the most part. There are some hospital bills of course, but thats a given with someone like me lol. But this future will mean getting back to working again. And sorting out a career that I can be proud of. I have a goal of getting us debt free, and into a dream home. Im not going to make any resolutions for the New Year. Because to me, that just seems like heres a nice list of things Ill say that I might not get around to. Procrastinators Unite! Instead of hoping for what things I want to get done next year, Im just going say my next year will be more positive. Positive in the people I choose to be around, positive in the moves I make for myself and Doug, and positive in making sure my health and financial status will be secure. And I hope that each of you will be there with us along the way. I love you guys, and now I must head to bed. Thanks if you stuck through and read that whole post, I know its long, but I just felt the need to speak and get this off my mind.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 03:51:50 +0000
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