A prayer for Osun: There is a town called Asipa in Ife North local government area of Osun state. It is a town founded by a warrior called Fashina. It is historically known as a town of warriors. But last week, Asipa was in the news not because it conquered another town or kingdom like their ancestors did consistently in the days of old. It was because an aspiring warrior met his untimely death testing a bullet-proof charm. Rasheed Sulaiman, according to reports, had gone to a herbalist to fortify himself for only-God-knows- what. The herbalist gave him a bullet-proof charm. Last Saturday, Sulaiman decided to test the charm that he had spent good money on. He called his cousin, Siji to accompany him to a secluded spot where they would check out the bullet-proof. He gave a gun to Siji, wore the amulet and told his cousin to fire. Siji fired and Sulaiman joined his ancestors. Just like that. By the time those who heard the strange gunshot got to the ‘shooting range’, Sulaiman was long gone, amulet and all. It was a sad day indeed for Siji. Other parents went into panic mode, afraid that their other children may also have gone to procure bullet-repellent and machete-cut-proof amulets. This therefore is where I will start my prayer for Osun. Dear Lord, protect our children, especially our young men from fake herbalists and bullet-proof amulets that have no NAFDAC numbers. I do not want to believe that Rasheed Sulaiman bought the amulet that killed him because of August 9 election but God I pray that you lay your hands on the youth of Osun state. May your spirit remind them that this election is only for a few hours and life will go on even if anybody is shot playing thug. Remind them oh Lord that the children of all the candidates in the Osun election are all somewhere safe, far from bullets and machetes, even guarded by armed policemen. God Almighty, remind my brothers that only the living reap the dividends of democracy. Lord you are omniscient, you know politicians will always give money to some people to put their lives on the line so their own children can reap the bounties of political office. You know what they give is peanuts but because my people are poor they scramble for these crumbs, Tonight as they sleep, in their dreams, please show them the folly of accepting even N100,000 from anybody to go and risk their lives. Show them that the death of even the only child of a family will not stop the swearing-in of the governor of Osun state. Let your spirit constantly remind those who have been brainwashed that this is a do-or-die election that all we need to do is to vote, not die because in vain die those who think their families will be compensated because they chose to play thug. The federal government has said it will deploy troops that will be armed to the teeth. Most of these men are trained to shoot to kill. Some of them do not know how to shoot legs. They only aim for the head and the chest. May our impressionable people know that even if we sue a soldier for killing one young person, the dead will remain dead. May they know better than to challenge a man carrying AK 47 with a bush amulet. And Lord, please deal with these fake charm merchants. Most of them are just emergency herbalists trading on the desperation of young people who do not know any better. Please give their customers the wisdom and the presence of mind to test the bullet-proof charms on the heads and chests of the herbalists. I also need to pray for the candidates in the Osun election. May the Lord guide your steps but need I remind you that only one candidate, only one winner can emerge in this kind of competition? I pray that the Lord will grant the winner the wisdom to rule in grace and the grace for those who do not win to accept the verdict. Lord, cane anybody from above, on their buttocks who decide to foment trouble during or after this election. If a man offers to serve and the people he wants to serve say they do not want his service, it should not cause fight. If the people make their choice, then that is their choice. Do not allow these politicians to bathe their feet in the blood of the people they promised to serve. Who wants to be a President? (1) Why would anybody want to be president of Nigeria? Certainly not me. Certainly not now. The glamour is attractive but the migraine is severe and life-threatening. It’s not that I don’t like hard work and challenges but I’m pretty much a logic-driven human being. That’s what journalism and being an editor does to you. When you set out at the beginning of the week, you can lay out your production schedule and follow them. You can predict a lot of stuff and predict 80% of the time how 80% of your readers or viewers will react to your lead story. You can’t predict anything as Nigeria’s president. No sir. Yeah, the glamour of the highest office is cool. I like the private jet part a lot. I love the travelling part too but that’s about it. I’d most certainly hate to have to deal with recalcitrant employees who think they are suddenly smarter than me after begging for a job. I know I won’t be able to sleep well (and I love my sleep!) knowing 200 Nigerian girls are out there in some evil forest. And then Ebola? No thank you, I love being able to drink tea and play scrabble on my balcony. But Sam Nda-Isaiah wants to be President of , of all places, Nigeria. He wants to move from the safety and predictability of being Chairman of Leadership Newspapers to becoming the most harassed President in the world. How am I supposed to understand that? Given half a chance, I’d sue him, get a restraining order to stop him from endangering his health, losing his peace of mind, anything my lawyers and I can come up with. However, something tells me that would be an exercise in futility. The man is determined to follow his heart. I could sue his heart too. Okay, that may not work either seeing as the man is all over the place consulting. So, Uncle Sam, since you are bent on doing what you want to do, raise your right hand and repeat after me: I solemnly swear that if I become the President of Nigeria, I will restore the lost glory of our public schools at all levels. I will close Nigerian borders as soon as there is any outbreak of any sneaky, snaky virus. No politics, no diplomacy, just Nigerians first. I will include in the letters of appointments of all civil servants a clause that says they can’t go on strike for more than 72 hours at a time. I will build a new international airport that will stand shoulder to shoulder with Heathrow, Charles de Gaulle and Emirates. Above all, I will pursue vigorously an alternative, Nigeria-beyond-oil economy. So help me God. Uncle Sam, you may now go into the world… Re: 12-hour ride with Uduaghan My very dear Funke, You this Funke no go kill person! You must always slip in jokes into your writing pulling us away from the fears of death and kidnapping in our country. You didn’t tell us what happened next when your zipper ‘refused’ to co-operate? Then your host sent me into great laughter when you reported that he admonished his women on the importance of full breast feeding for their babies. “Even if your breast STAND well well (Attention), man we go go out, go still go out”. I think you must do justice to why men go out despite their wives endowments. I hope you are back to office safely? –Yusuf , yusufa1967@gmail Original link Read More goo.gl/RPPh2q (y) ✍comment ☏share
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 01:47:06 +0000
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