A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner Money, Woman, Successful I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. Ron White Life, Somebody, Party People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Isaac Asimov Great, Annoyance Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard Life, Alive, Seriously A word to the wise aint necessary - its the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby Wise, Stupid, Word When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. Thats relativity. Albert Einstein Nice, Girl, Seems A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin Night, Sunshine Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey Great, Woman, Eyes Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain Hell, Company, Heaven My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is. Ellen DeGeneres She, Hell, Started Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin God, Happy, Wine My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg Fake, Water, Died A womans mind is cleaner than a mans: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford Mind, Woman, Often If the facts dont fit the theory, change the facts. Albert Einstein Change, Facts, Theory I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three
Posted on: Tue, 20 May 2014 19:16:24 +0000
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