A week ago, at about this time, my Beppe died. Yesterday was her funeral. I spent the last few days with my family, in deep solace. Now that I have had time with my family and with myself, it feels like the right time to share this with you all. She shaped who I was, who I am and who I will become in the most profound ways possible. If I have have made this world a little more fair, a little more free or a little more kind, it is simply the echo of the soul of my Beppe. One day I may write more about this. But not today. Though the last two weeks have been heartbreaking and my grief seems from me like a wound, it has also been a time of healing, of gratitude and of love for our family. I am especially grateful what my mother and sister shared at my Beppes funeral. I read a poem I wrote some years ago that was inspired by my Beppes role in the Resistance in the Second World War against the Nazis. One of her many jobs (and probably the most dangerous) was her job as a courier, moving documents, messages and funds around the country, often on her bicycle. If caught, she would be shot immediately. The Friesian word for courier is koerierster. Here is the poem I gave her years ago and read yesterday: - Beppe, mijn koerierster you are my messenger of light coming to me from a dark past in a green land where the sky does not end the cattle sink knee deep in the wet earth and people carve their will into the water while the sea constantly beats the shore we do not get to choose our wars our wars choose us in a time of fear you chose faith in a time of evil you chose justice and in a time of peace you chose love from seed to sprout to bloom I have felt your love I felt your love in the silences by the water as you kept on eye on me while I looked for treasure in the sand as we waited for a fish we didn’t need to throw back as I lay on the grass, daydreaming I felt your love in the warm summer evenings spent at the dining room table with games and laughter and in the sticky summer days, giving me enough room to play I felt your love in your craft and creation in every spoonful of soup, every meal in every stitch and mend, making things whole in the llama wool soft on my neck, protecting me and in your children, your daughter who raised me you are the mother of my mother and I cannot thank you enough a thousand times you could have died but you didn’t you lived so that we could live and love oorlog of verde may i have the courage to act for more justice in the world the faith to make a choice when there seems to be no choices the grace to give love because it has been given to me without a price you are my koerierster, coming to me over brug, boerderij en tijd and I am still listening. - Final note: Its ok to like this status as a way to show your empathy, sympathy, love or shared grief.
Posted on: Wed, 12 Nov 2014 04:14:48 +0000
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