AMERICAN SHARIA LAW By Nick Sterling. If ISIS can impose their form of fanatical Islam, surely a red-blooded patriot like myself can get a crack at this. Thusly, I present to you AMERICAN SHARIA LAW written by my deputy chief minister of Jihad, Mahhead Makshallah Abdullah Olongata: 1. Per American Sharia Law one shall not eat beef between hours of 4-6pm. Allah does not appreciate those hours of beef eating. Punishment will be five goats and one AK-47. Women will be kicked by horse in whore organ. 2. You must pray to holy Allah, or Bill Murray every 12 minutes. Bill Murray is Allah. Praise Bill Murray. One caught not praying will have camel skeet spread about ones brow. Skeet, skeet, infidel. 3. All infidels shall be-headed. Not cut off head but add extra head on top of existing torso that sings Katy Perry song until Allah forgives. 4. All soldiers chant, ISIS is but a tit on a gopher while recruiting child soldiers. 5. Those engaging in rectal pleasure with beast not praying to Allah shall be spanked with Koran that is on fire until repentance. 6. Per Sharia Law, all women of Allah be naked for male pleasure. All ugly women shall be sacrificed to the merciful Allah. 7. One shall only fly scale 1/10th R/C aircraft into buildings for Allah while attempting to martyr. 8. Allah permits you to trade one camel for two child soldier. Praise glorious Allah! Akbar! Those not following American Sharia Law will be stoned with old Yellowpages phone books. They will be phone booked until they adopt ways of holy Islam. Allah be great!. Sounds pretty fair, huh? Maybe ISIS is on to something.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 19:28:59 +0000
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