AN EASTER STORY: The Legend of Easter Bread The first loaves of Easter bread were made by Mary (Blessed Mother Mary, not the OTHER Mary) a few days after the crucifixion. She and everyone around her were totally sad about what happened with Jesus and everything, and they were kinda thinkin it was maaaaybe a little bit their fault, so when she made the weekly bread she added just a teeny tiny bit of the terrible, bitter, plant known as ANISE. She thought that just a little bit of poison might remind everyone not to crucify saviors. But just as she was taking the punishment bread out of the oven, Mary Magdalene came bursting through the door. She was all Mary...Mary...Jesus has risen! We are saved forevermore. Also, we dont have to eat that AWFUL bread! And the first Mary was like, You listen to me, OTHER Mary. First of all, the thing about Jesus, that is AMAZEBALLS. But although we get to go to Heaven someday, we are still very poor. We cant afford to waste bread even if it is like the worst bread ever. Mary2 tasted the bread, but she could barely swallow EVEN ONE BITE. She was like I dont think I can finish my portion, Mary. It tastes like brimstone and broken dreams. But Mother Mary forced her to eat every last bite saying Dont be actin all bougie, Mary from the block! It eats the bread or it gets the hose again. After a minor cat fight, Mary2 did as she was told, mostly because she was intimidated by Mary1s dove and halo. The two Marys finished the first loaf bread together, and tooketh the remaining loaves out into the world. Everyone hated it, but they ate it anyway, out of guilt. And thats why we still eat it today :o)
Posted on: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 23:49:19 +0000
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