AN IMPORTANT AND HOPEFULLY HELPFUL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOURS TRULY [PUBLIC RELATIONS DEPARTMENT]: Folks, Im pleased to announce Im in the process of gradually making my exit from the diet and health arena. Quite frankly, its the biggest looney farm Ive ever had the displeasure of observing. Im now studying at a hallowed institution to pursue a career in a field that will no doubt be infinitely more rewarding than arguing with low-carb zealots and vegan dipshits. This course involves lots of reading. I mean, LOTS and LOTS of reading. And so I must reiterate that nowadays I just dont have time to answer peoples health questions or give my personal commentary on studies. I feel kind of bad about this, because I realize people ask me stuff because they value my opinion. Or is it because soliciting my opinion for free over the Internet is cheaper than buying one of my books, and way cheaper than visiting a doctor? Hmmm. At any rate, Ive prepared some pre-emptive questions and answers that will hopefully serve as a helpful substitute for my personal communication. Instead of emailing me, please just refer to this handy Q&A, there should be something here to address the majority of queries I get: Q: Hi Anthony, I just came across this [attached/hyperlinked] study. Your thoughts? A: Its a load of shit. Q: Hi Anthony, I am suffering [insert health problem here], what should I do? A: Go see a doctor. Q: My doctor cant help me, he/she doesnt seem to have a clue? A: Find one who does. Q: Hi Anthony, I read your latest article/book and am extremely upset because you are expressing diet/health views that are contrary to mine. A: Yes. My views stand in such stark contrast to yours because, well, Im not stupid like you are. Now go back to eating 30 bananas a day, or gulping down cream like its water then wondering why you still cant lose weight. Q: Hi Anthony, I am an emaciated, attention-starved and very angry vegan cyclist who is too cowardly to reveal his true name so Im sending this email under the psuedonym Danny Deckchair instead. I refuse to believe thats really you in your photos, because everyone knows it is I who is the most beautiful, most fittest, most awesomest man in Adelaide. In the world, in fact. So I demand that you send me some full body pictures of yourself, including your legs.* A: Dear angry vegan cyclist, I know Im lean and tanned and kinda muscular and all that, but as Tone Loc once said, this is the eighties, and Im down with the ladies! OK, its actually 2014, but my point remains the same: Its not my job to send full body pictures of myself to every oddball who harbours a secret fancy for me. However, my sources tell me most newsagents nowadays stock magazines with, um, full body pictures of lean, tanned, muscular blokes, so hopefully that helps you out. Good luck, I hope you find what youre after. Q: Hi Anthony, here is an article/video where [insert name of vegan/low-carb zealot] is saying untoward things about you. I would love to hear your response? A: I dont have one. Because I have neither the time nor the inclination to read/watch the article/video. By all means let me know if my name ever makes the front page of the New York Times, otherwise save yourself some time and dont send me this malarkey. Thank you all for your understanding. *Seriously, I shit you not, Danny Deckchair really did ask this. Like a wise old man once said, Confucius say, be very wary of guys who frequently travel to Thailand LMAO
Posted on: Sat, 15 Mar 2014 06:19:57 +0000
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