ANGER MANAGEMENT We all know what anger is, and weve all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage. Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though youre at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. The Nature of Anger Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage, according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. STRATEGIES TO KEEP ANGER AT BAY RELAXATION Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Some simple steps you can try: · Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest wont relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your gut. · Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as relax, take it easy. Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply. · Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination. · Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer. Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when youre in a tense situation. COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When youre angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, oh, its awful, its terrible, everythings ruined, tell yourself, its frustrating, and its understandable that Im upset about it, but its not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow. Be careful of words like never or always when talking about yourself or someone else. This !&*%@ machine never works, or youre always forgetting things are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that theres no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it wont make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when its justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is not out to get you, youre just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and itll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we dont get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands arent met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, I would like something is healthier than saying, I demand or I must have something. When youre unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesnt mean the hurt goes away. PROBLEM SOLVING Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often its a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isnt always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem. Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesnt come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. BETTER COMMUNICATION Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if youre in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Dont say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering. Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your significant other wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, dont retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck. Its natural to get defensive when youre criticized, but dont fight back. Instead, listen to whats underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but dont let your anger—or a partners—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one. USING HUMOUR Silly humor can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If youre at work and you think of a coworker as a dirtbag or a single-cell life form, for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleagues desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation. The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is things oughta go my way! Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them! When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; youll also realize how unimportant the things youre angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, dont try to just laugh off your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, dont give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; thats just another form of unhealthy anger expression. What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but its often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh. CHANGING YOUR ENVIRONMENT Sometimes its our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the trap you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some personal time scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire. After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them. SOME OTHER TIPS Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps youre tired, or distracted, or maybe its just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks dont turn into arguments. Avoidance: If your childs chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Dont make yourself look at what infuriates you. Dont say, well, my child should clean up the room so I wont have to be angry! Thats not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm. Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one thats less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train. I would request ALL of you to SHARE this on your Facebook wall so that others may read and benefit. We need to spread awareness urgently. Thank you. Dr. Sanjay Chugh Senior Consultant Psychiatrist S-132, Greater Kailash Part 2, New Delhi - 110048 (INDIA) drchugh rtms.co.in tdcs.co.in https://facebook/drsanjaychughsclinic Email Ids: doc@drchugh ; drchugh@gmail Tel.: +91-9811079401 / +91-11-41436012 / +91-11-41436013 Fax : +91-11-29219820
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 04:12:39 +0000
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