ARREARS – IGNORANCE OR GREED? In October 2005, a year and half after the divorce, when my youngest sons were still minors, my Ex called and left me a voice mail describing how my sons needed their father in their lives, and how they needed things (for school, etc.). She offered to drop the spousal support, and reduce child support - saying something was better than nothing. She said: “I’m not doing this for me – I’m doing it for them, because I feel bad every time I have to tell them no.” NOTE: CS Enforcement had suspended my license earlier that year – thereby forcing me from my employment that had been netting her $2,000/month - TAX FREE. My Ex had the opportunity then to intercede, to eliminate the unjust Arrears, but she chose not to. She was having difficulty making ends meet, and the boys were suffering. I understood that would happen before CS Enforcement suspended my driver’s license. I’d tried to explain that to her. I’d tried to get her to understand the consequences of the Arrears, and the ongoing increase to the Arrears – despite her getting $2,000/month. I tried to get her to understand what the overwhelming burden of the unreasonable child support had done / was doing to me, and our children. The CS, and Spousal Support was based on my old income (a year prior to the separation and 2 years prior to the divorce), and was no longer attainable. In fact I was unemployed and attending school to renew my 20yo Technical Education when she decided she wanted a divorce – a fact ignored by my Ex, and the Judge, on countless occasions. Despite her False Allegations of Domestic Abuse / Violence, and even though I’d tried previously, I responded to her, to see if a reasonable CS adjustment could be worked out. After all, wed been married for twenty years, and a father to my children since they were born. I knew they needed me, and I knew that they needed things for school, etc. October & November 2005 -- Back and forth we went. Proposal, counter-proposal. She verbally agreed to drop the spousal support, never budged an inch regarding the unjustified Arrears, agreed to give up her attorney’s fees, and would only reduce the support to HER bare minimum requirements – none of which took into account my true and real income (before my driver’s license had been suspended). She said we could discuss the Arrears after we got past this issue. Despite the lack of trust, I agreed to her proposal, including a future discussion of the Arrears. November & December 2005 -- During this timeframe I secured a different job. It paid less money due to no driver’s license – but at least it was employment. It didn’t take CSE long to start taking 50%+ from my paychecks – again. Once she started getting some income again, apparently her desire to reasonably resolve the financial matters ceased. In January 2006, our oldest son was killed in a car accident. She publicly announced her engagement in our son’s obituary. In March 2006, a couple months after the accident, she appeared to again desire to be reasonable. She indicated she was having her lawyer prepare the Stipulation to modify the Divorce Decree. She had her lawyer draft up the proposal, and it was eventually (after considerable delay, supposedly by her attorney) sent to me. I reviewed it, and noted that the wording stated that by signing: ‘I agreed that the Arrears were correct / justified / payable.’ Given her prior verbal agreement to discuss the elimination of the Arrears at a future date, I strongly objected to such wording (again, because the Arrears came about only because my old income had been used incorrectly). Despite the slap in the face regarding the Arrears, I agreed that if the ‘acceptance of the Arrears’ wording were removed (removing the wording from this document would not have gotten rid of the Arrears), I would have no problem signing the document, and hopefully moving towards being better able to support my children, having a better chance at personal survival, being able to afford a residence, and therefore a better chance at being able to afford to spend more time with my Sons. Unfortunately, she objected to my objection of the wording, and things again stalled. In early late April 2006, she verbally stated her intent to adjust the Stipulation – to eliminate the ‘Arrears wording’. In May-June 2006 the Wrongful Death case for our son became active. At this point my Ex’s apparent desire to be reasonable – again, ended. Rather than accept her suggested Wrongful Death settlement breakdown (5% to me vs. 26% to her), I instructed my attorney to waive anything for myself, and instead instructed my proposed settlement amount be distributed amongst the remaining children – adding to their existing planned annuities. Another reason for the decision to give any proceeds to the boys was because it was highly likely her attorney or CSE, would intercept said proceeds for her benefit. As I stated early, she had / was receiving far more (CS, Spousal Support, Attorney’s Fees) than she should have been getting, due to her lies and manipulation of the Court – by stating my old income (2 years prior to the divorce), rather than my current income. Somewhere in this timeframe - she refused to make that one slight change to the Stipulation, and withdrew the proposal. Whether or not she has ever grasped the reality of the situation, and understood that without elimination of the Arrears her ‘offer’ would not really help my ability to survive, and for all involved to likely come out ahead – I’ll never know. I know that after my last attempt to get CS adjusted in 2008 was over, I gave up. That ruling provided: 1) Finally eliminated any additional added Spousal Support (effective a year after she remarried, but no elimination of the associated Spousal Support Arrears), 2) Reinstate my Driver’s License – after three years without, and 3) Not one word from the Judge relative to my request for adjustment to CS, including minimal payment towards Arrears (to allow me enough to have a life), despite my oldest sond death two yaers earlier (age 20yo at the time), and including have my 2nd son removed from CS calculations the next month – after he graduated High School. NOTE: From the day of the Divorce until the day the last of my four sons graduated High School, there was never a downward adjustment of my Child Support – not one. There were several COLAs (automated Cost-Of-Living-Adjustments) during this time – none of which I fought, despite the absurdity of them. After the Arrears get to a certain point, it becomes comically insane, and personally damaging to fight anymore.
Posted on: Mon, 07 Apr 2014 23:57:47 +0000
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