ATTENTION WAL-MART SHOPPERS....THIS REALLY HAPPENED “Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to buy chicken wings and transmission fluid.” From an interstate exit in “Somewhere” Alabama, her towering illuminated sign looked like a beacon of hope and bargains all wrapped into one. A universal symbol in the form of blue letters and a yellow spark that stands for “If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.” I pulled into parking lot and walked inside the store for 1 thing, a pair of cheap blue jeans for the road. In order to keep myself from overspending, I used the “Bourbon Street Casino” method. I removed all the money and debit cards from my wallet except for the 20 dollars I allocated to spend. This way, an environment of spontaneous purchasing wouldn’t tempt me. I strolled to the clothing section, found the jeans I wanted and headed for the checkout isle. Why couldn’t shopping be this easy every time? I pondered. Before I made it to the checkout isle, the 5-dollar dvd box caught my eye. My jeans were on sale for 15 bucks and I had a couple of 1’s in my wallet along with the 20. What the heck? It can’t hurt to look. Nestled among a pile of cheap westerns, mafia documentaries and Treat Williams films was the movie that caught my eye. “Under Siege” starring Tommy Lee Jones and Steven Segal. I picked it up and quickly scanned the crowd to make sure someone wasn’t trying to steal my discovered treasure from my arms. Now to the checkout isle! With Steven Segal, the ex navy seal turned cook, safely in my arms it reminded me, I was going to price some kitchen knives just for curiosity sake. A trip to the kitchen section led me to the sporting goods section to price hunting knives which led me to the saltwater section to price fishing knives which led me to the frozen foods section to price frozen fish and finally the outdoor section to price kayak paddles. Along the way I picked up a buggy full of stuff ranging from Ax body spray to coat hangers, a crimson tide ball cap, a case of Gatorade, a box of .22 shells and a Timex watch. Once at the checkout isle, the reeses peanut butter cups were a no brainer at this point. Grand total was 200 dollars and some change. Good thing the “Bourbon Street Casino” method didn’t stipulate that credit cards must be removed. I swiped my visa and was out the door faster than the lady could say “Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.” Oh and before it was all over, I decided not to buy the jeans after all. MH read this and more at Matts blogsite matthoggatt
Posted on: Wed, 21 May 2014 12:48:08 +0000
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