About 7 years ago I was diagnosed with being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) with Sensory Processing Disorder, which basically means my brain does not always know how to process the information that it receives through my senses. (Some doctors say it falls under the autistic spectrum, guess thats why Im so clever lol) My hearing is super-sensitive and noise makes me feel very distressed, flashing or bright lights hurt my eyes; normal smells make me feel violently ill, I dont like crowds as they make me feel overwhelmed, I get tired very quickly from too much going on, I feel scared easily and easily get a fright, Im extremely sensitive to what and how people say things - their facial expressions, tone and body language; my body is in constant fight or flight syndrome, hence me getting sick often as I have too much adrenalin and cortesol pumping through my body which suppresses my immune system. I am extremely intuitive and pick up on things no one else does, things I dont want to know or pick up on as it scares me; I over-empathetic and take on other peoples feelings and moods and constantly have to block it out as it leaves me feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I am one of those people that cry when Bambi dies or when I find someone elses dead kitty in my garden, I cant watch horror movies or anything too close to life or even the news as it will keep me up all night feeling sad about the lost, lonely or abused children out there. Too date, not many people, including my family and friends, understand this condition or are even aware of it. Today is one of those days that I wish I suffered from something that had a label which people understood. Being a HSP is so incredibly lonely and makes one feel very depressed and isolated at times. Because no one understands it, you are constantly judged, rejected and called all sorts of things like too serious; too direct; too sensitive; you are accused of always over-reacting; being too emotional; too insecure; too needy; a kill-joy, etc. all said in negative terms which just makes you feel more isolated and like a freak! My mom was one of the only people that I felt totally safe with as she understood it, but as she is no longer alive, I battle on silently in isolation with this. I sometimes wonder if I had been diagnosed with Bi-polar or Aspergers or an Anxiety disorder if people would be kinder, more sensitive or more protective or me instead of the incredible negative response I have got most of my life for being who I am. The up-side of my condition, I am told, is that I am here on earth to teach, I guess its why I teach parents about feelings,why I write, why I create. The upside of being HSP also means that I love deeply, intensely and will go to the ends of the earth for you if you happen to be someone I love; I am aggressively protective of my family and will protect them to my own detriment. I will campaign for you, I will have your back always. In all honesty, on days like today, I am battling to see the upside of it. But what I do know for sure is that tomorrow is another day and tomorrow I will be back in my space of writing and creating and loving it. What I love about each day, is if its been a bad day, it will end and tomorrow you will get up and it will be a new day, a fresh day.
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 12:05:04 +0000
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