About two years ago I was at a really dark place in my life. From the outside everything looked good, Facebook fabulous at its finest. I was recently engaged with the man of my dreams, I had friends, I loved Texas, yet I was a mess. I couldnt understand why I couldnt succeed career wise, why I felt like a failure, why I was depressed, and anxious. I was paralyzed on my couch literally one day and cried a desperate prayer. I was going to church because it was the right thing to do. I found a great job and started planning my wedding to be let go on the day of my birthday. My income was supposed to pay for our wedding. I had no answers, life didnt seem fair. So we came to the decision to stop trying to find a job. It should have been a huge relief but it wasnt. You see my identity was wrapped around achieving academic and career success. It was where I placed my worth. Without that I was lost, a nobody. Yet deep down I knew that that distant God I prayed to would come through and I would have some sort of celebration and small wedding. I was angry, I felt useless, and alone. And guess what? When I gave up and surrendered my will, my expectations, my vision...I found God. See I always knew He existed but I didnt know Him. I was going to my church every week to talk to the ladies I had nothing in common with (or so I thought) to talk and work through my issues. See I thought I was there to fix myself. But no, God placed me there so He could fix me. These women loved on me, prayed for me, cried with me, became my sisters. And along the way...well, my life changed. Was it instant? No. Was it life altering, irrevocable, overwhelming, and mind blowing yes. You see, that year when I thought was a waste and I was doing nothing...I got to know God. Not only know Him, fall head over heels, madly, and insanely in love with Him! Something that wouldve never happened if I had had my dream job. Id wouldve been too busy to find Him. Did my life circumstances change overnight? No. Did all my hardships disappear? Not at all. In many ways they got harder. But since then Ive changed. I KNOW THAT I KNOW who I am. I know where my worth, strength, and beauty come from. They come from God, the most High King. I am His daughter, His heir. I know joy like Ive never known before. Ive faced circumstances that wouldve destroyed me in the past and have come out of it with more joy, strength, and faith. I still dont understand it all, I still get impatient and wonder why bad things happen to good people. But I know that God works all things for good. Ive seen my family be blessed by him, I have family in people Ive known for so little time, Ive seen miracles, healings, but above all ...Ive seen Gods faithfulness through it all. He will speak to you through the storm...you need just to call on Him. This is what I speaking of earlier of building an altar. This is one of my altars. When my faith is tested and I am weary, when I feel like Ive deviated from my calling, or that Im not hearing from God I will corn back to this holy place. This moment in time when there was an exchange between Heaven and earth. #altar #thisismyaltar #thisismystory
Posted on: Thu, 15 Jan 2015 02:20:48 +0000
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