Acceptance When you can deliberately think in a nonjudgmental way, making the step to acceptance is much easier. Acceptance is the foundation of self-esteem and the foundation of a functional relationship with yourself. (I speak of acceptance in terms of receiving, rather than in the more common meaning of approval.) To accept is to receive; no conditions can be attached. When you receive, you are open, available, and vulnerable, not defensive or judgmental. To have self-esteem, you must be able to accept, to receive who you are at that moment, without approval or judgment. In order to do this, you must be able to make a distinction (boundaries) between your entire being and your behaviors, thoughts, or feelings at a moment in time. In other words, being aware that you were mean to your friend, dishonest with your colleague, or selfish and self-centered with your partner, and acknowledging that that behavior is something you need to change, is the first step toward a positive relationship with yourself. The second step is doing this without judging yourself as a mean, dishonest, or selfish person. Condemning yourself-feeling like youre bad, evil, useless, or no good-is not a productive place from which to learn and change. You are not your behavior, your thoughts, or your feelings. You are human, which means being imperfect. You will make mistakes, behave in ways that are not always kind, think badly of others, and experience jealousy, envy, or hatred toward others. Think of these as challenges and opportunities to grow. To be aware of your shortcomings, accepting them, learning from them, and changing something about yourself is precisely how you evolve. Acceptance is not an excuse to continue to be hurtful to others or destructive to yourself; nor does hating yourself help you to be a kinder, better person. Anne Linden. Boundaries in Human Relationships: How to Be Separate and Connected (Kindle Locations 2146-2156). Kindle Edition.
Posted on: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 19:16:14 +0000