Advise for those who choose to support abuse survivors. First thing I would say is that you need to look after yourself Facing the reality of evil requires you to be able to listen to things that most people do not want to hear or know about. There will be times when you need support to process the information being given to you. It is vital to admit it if you can not listen to or stay with the survivor and accept their truth as you will do more damage if you are not honest from the start. If this does happen be sure to find someone who can help the survivor and offer as much support as you feel able to offer.(BE REALISTIC) If you are finding it hard to listen or stay with the survivor for any reason tell them and acknowledge this. Remember how hard they must be finding it to tell you about their past. It happened to them and they have to relive and tell the facts at the same time as feeling the abandoned feelings that accompany each memory. Although it might upset you to listen and stay it hurts them more to be the one who is facing up to the truth. Be a witness for the pain don’t try to cover it up encourage it to be released in a safe and nurturing environment. Remember though that most survivors don’t feel safe anywhere and positive nurturing can feel so alien to survivors especially if they never received any so you have a hard job creating this safe nurturing space. Being consistent in creating this place is the key to this process. Before anyone can tell you about there past they need to feel that you are a safe person to trust and since trust in human kind is destroyed when someone is abused it will not be something which will develop over night. Listen to the cold hard facts of the abuse and don’t try to fix things by minimising the damage caused by the abuse. Never blame the survivor for the abuse and help to put the events into perspective. Be open to the existence of evil in the world and be prepared to Jump in at the deep end and talk openly about the memories try not to show your own hesitation or apprehension the survivor has enough fear of speaking without sensing the fear in you. Be prepared to be exposed to evil beyond your comprehension. Do not minimise the facts believe the survivor even if it seems unbelievable. Stay with the survivor and offer your support. Always honour the courage it takes to speak out about abuse. By Emma Cravitz Based on my own experiences of telling
Posted on: Tue, 22 Oct 2013 22:40:51 +0000
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